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Let's Play A Quick Game Of 'I Would Join The Nazis If'

By Emily Cutler | Late Night TV | August 16, 2017 |

By Emily Cutler | Late Night TV | August 16, 2017 |

People have been talking a lot about Trump’s crazy press conference yesterday, and for good reason. It was fucking bonkers. Not surprising, mind you, but bonkers nonetheless. But between the jokes about permits and George Washington statutes, I think we’ve missed something.

Donald Trump made one good point: not everyone involved in the Unite the Right march were Nazis. Some of them even outright deny that they’re racist. For some, this was just a matter of wanting to preserve a statue glorifying a racist who wanted to keep people of a certain race enslaved, put up by a group of people who wanted to keep people of a certain race oppressed. So they themselves weren’t actually Nazis. They were just joining the Nazis. It’s totally different.

And something, given the right circumstances we’d all do.

Much as we hate to admit it, we all have our price. And we all have certain things for which we’d side with Nazis. Maybe it’s the removal of a Robert E. Lee statue, maybe it’s the perceived encroachment into white men’s dominance by non-white men, maybe it’s the flashy costumes. But whatever it is, we’ve all got it.

So let’s turn it into a party game! Every player writes the scenario under which they would side with Nazis, and all of the other players award points based on the number of players. For instance, if there are five people playing, each player can dole out points to other players in four, three, two, and one amounts. Then the points are totaled for each round. The game is over when somebody shouts, “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THESE ARE LITERAL NAZIS. YOU CANNOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, EVER SIDE WITH THEM. IF HOSTILE ALIENS WERE ATTACKING THE PLANET, AND NEO-NAZIS WERE THE ONLY ONES FIGHTING BACK, YOU WOULD JUST HAVE TO LAY DOWN AND DIE. BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THE NAZIS IS THINKING ‘ONCE WE’RE DONE HERE, I HOPE WE GET TO KILLS THE DEGENERATES’. AND THEY MEAN JEWS AND BROWN PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY’RE FUCKING NAZIS.”

And that person is the winner.