It’s only been a few days since we, as a nation, were introduced to Ken Bone, and we’ve already ruined Ken Bone. I have a hard time understanding how any human can still identify as an undecided voter (I SERIOUSLY DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR BRAIN WORKS) but this man— in his cozy red sweater, which he happily admitted was his back-up outfit after her split the butt of his other suit wide open, his trim mustache, and his shockingly issue-based debate question— is worthy of having won our hearts.
But this distraction quickly turned into an over-the-top ironic icon, which then, of course, inspired the backlash pieces that no one needed. It made me just plain sad to imagine Ken Bone seeing headlines hating on him, having to watch our fickle internet hearts turn on him.
But then a Sexy Ken Bone Halloween costume showed up, and I’m no longer capable of feeling anything.
Regular Ken Bone costumes had already popped up, into the heads of every Very Clever Person in the internet.
Your Ken Bone Halloween costume kit pic.twitter.com/pRLy43C5Zh— Brian Ries (@moneyries) October 10, 2016
But this “Sexy Undecided Voter” costume from the online lingerie shop Yandy.com (“free panty with all orders”!) is too much. It’s like staring into the abyss and realizing the abyss is made of polyester garbage.
He’s what the costume offers:
Capture the hearts of America this Halloween in this Yandy exclusive Sexy Undecided Voter, the most lovable political enthusiast of the 2016 election season! This costume features an iconic red crop top with cap sleeves, a white cropped undershirt, blue high waisted pants with a back zipper closure, the must-have mustache, black glasses and, of course, a microphone.
Yes, now you too can care about the Presidential candidates’ energy policies and how they’ll minimize job layoffs while remaining environmentally friendly. AND LOOK SUPER CUTE DOING IT.
In other news, Ken Bone has been offered $100,000 (and 25 disposable cameras— yes, really) to do porn.
This world is garbage. Send a new one, please.