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The 10 Most Spectacularly Mediocre Films of the Decade

By Dustin Rowles | Guides | July 10, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Guides | July 10, 2009 |

Ten Best. Ten Worst. Ten Funniest. Ten Greatest. Ten Saddest. Ten Sexiest. Ten Scariest. Ten Creepiest. Ten Perviest. We do it. Dozens of other sites do it. But has anyone ever had the testicle-lockers to put together a Top Ten List this profoundly middling?

Hell no. And that’s why you come to Pajiba. Because we not only know what the best and worst are, we know the middle, goddamnit. Who else would spend valuable hours that could’ve been more wisely spent putting together a list of mediocrity? Pajiba, that’s who! Anybody can crank out a list of the most inspirational. A monkey on a rock could type out of list of the most exceptional. But mundane, run-of-the-mill? That’s us, baby! We go to the mat for you so that you know what to watch when you’ve already seen every good to great movie already made. What about decent? Does anybody ever speak up for decent movies? No. Not until today.

These movies aren’t terrible. They’re not great. They’re just forgettable. But we remembered them, motherfuckers. We remembered them for you. Because that’s how much we love you. Because that’s how much we care. Because that’s the level of dedication you’re going to find on this site. These movies aren’t a dime a dozen. They are the dime-a-dozeniest.

So put out your hands, you sons of bitches. Put them in the level position. And then twist your wrist slightly, side to side. Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about: The Great Meh.

Give it up for mediocrity!

10. The Ruins (2008)

Plot Synopsis: A group of friends whose leisurely Mexican holiday takes a turn for the worse when they, along with a fellow tourist embark on a remote archaeological dig in the jungle, where something evil lives among the ruins.

Cast: Jonathan Tucker, Jena Malone, Laura Ramsey, Shawn Ashmore.

One Word Review: Forgettable.

9. The Score (2001)

Plot Synopsis: An aging thief hopes to retire and live off his ill-gotten wealth when a young kid convinces him into doing one last heist.

Cast: Robert DeNiro, Marlon Brando, Ed Norton, Angela Bassett.

One Word Review: Competent.

8. The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009)

Plot Synopsis: Armed men hijack a New York City subway train, holding the passengers hostage in return for a ransom, and turning an ordinary day’s work for dispatcher Walter Garbe into a face-off with the mastermind behind the crime.

Cast: Denzel Washington, John Travolta.

One Word Review: Serviceable.

7. Leatherheads (2008)

Plot Synopsis: A romantic comedy set in the world of 1920s football, where the owner of a professional team drafts a strait-laced college sensation, only to watch his new coach fall for his fiancée.

Cast: John Krasinski, George Clooney, Renee Zellwegger

One Word Review: Cute-ish.

6. The Soloist (2009)

Plot Synopsis: A Los Angeles Journalist, befriends a homeless Julliard trained musician, while looking for a new article for the paper.

Cast: Jamie Foxx, Robert Downey, Jr.

One Word Review: Bland.

5. Dan in Real Life (2007)

Plot Synopsis: Dan Burns is a single father who dedicates his life to his children, but one day he meets Marie at a bookstore. They get to know each other, but then Dan finds out that Marie is actually dating his brother, Mitch Burns.

Cast: Steve Carrell, Dane Cook, Juliette Binoche

One Word Review: Unsurprising.

4. Frequency (2000)

Plot Synopsis: An accidental cross-time radio link connects father and son across 30 years. The son tries to save his father’s life, but then must fix the consequences.

Cast: Dennis Quaid, James Cavieziel

One Word Review: Fair.

3. Invincible (2006)

Plot Synopsis: Based on the story of Vince Papale, a 30-year-old bartender from South Philadelphia who overcame long odds to play for the NFL’s Philadelphia Eagles in 1976.

Cast: Greg Kinnear, Mark Wahlberg, Elizabeth Banks.

One Word Review: Ho-hum.

2. Fracture (2007)

Plot Synopsis: An attorney intent on climbing the career ladder toward success, finds an unlikely opponent in a manipulative criminal he’s trying to prosecute.

Cast: Anthony Hopkins, Ryan Gosling, David Straithern.

One Word Review: Eh.

1. 16 Blocks

Plot Synopsis: An aging cop is assigned the ordinary task of escorting a fast-talking witness from police custody to a courthouse. There are however forces at work trying to stop prevent them from making it.

Cast: Bruce Willis, Mos Def.

One Word Review: Okay.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.