I’ve been really excited for the new Ghostbusters. With Paul Feig behind it, plus that cast, I’m pretty confident that I’m going to love it. Add to that the defensiveness that rises in me on seeing the movie constantly maligned by misogynistic trolls, and even the mediocre trailers strike a chord in me that I psyched for.
And then they went and released the new theme song. And it is horrific. Like, weaponize it in a lab levels of awful.
I don’t encourage you to listen to it, because I like you and want only good things for you. I apparently don’t feel the same way about myself, though, because I listened to this aural abomination twice. TWICE. Once to hear the ear poison, and a second time to document the ensuing descent into madness.
Here is said descent. I’m going to go take a forever nap.
0:03 - So for an into, they just pulled the first track off of a dollar store Halloween CD?
0:12 - Okay, but for reals, there’s more song, right? Because my brain is starting to go into seizure-prevention mode.
0:19 - NO, SERIOUSLY, PLEASE ADD MORE NOTES TO THIS EAR POISON.
0:25 - I fully regret my request for more notes.
0:29 - I’m not super familiar with Fall Out Boy. Is the Lenny Kravitz impression typical?
0:36 - Is he saying “Who can you call?” I DO NOT APPRECIATE YOUR UPDATED GRAMMAR, FOB.
0:47 - WE GET IT, YOU’RE NOT AFRAID. MESSAGE RECEIVED, PLEASE HANG UP THE PHONE.
0:56 - Oh shit, it’s getting all slow and breakdowny now. Watch out, ghosts, Fall Out Boy is coming for your earholes.
1:03 - No, but really, did they think we’d just never heard Lenny Kravitz before?
1:15 - This is TMNT Vanilla Ice levels of bad. This is all I’m seeing now:
1:24 - Honestly, that Vanilla Ice mental image is making this slightly more palatable.
1:34 - Well, that lasted about 10 seconds. Are my ears bleeding? It feels like my ears are bleeding.
1:40 - YES, MISSY ELLIOTT, YES. This just got actually fun.
1:52 - Missy Elliott just said “Who you gonna call?” And I am DYING. I was totally wrong! This song is AMAZING.
2:05 - GET OUT OF HERE, FALL OUT BOY. NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE.
2:20 - It almost sounds like he’s trying to scat or something, but is just repeating the word “yeah” in various tones.
2:34 - A box with the suggested next video just popped up and it’s Blink-182’s “Bored to Death” and nothing has ever been more appropriate, both in title and generic pop-punk bands a couple decades past their prime.
3:05 - Is that powering-down sound in the song or inside my brain?
3:07 - Both, I think.