Everything We Missed From This Season's 'Game of Thrones' Recaps
One of the things that happens when you’re the biggest Game of Thrones dork in the universe is that you start to collect stuff.
“I’ll use that in my next recap” I say 450 times a day. And of course, I rarely do. So welcome to my Game of Thrones hoarding pile. It’s everything I’ve collected, but never had a place to use, with some other fun distractions thrown in.
Scroll. Read. Enjoy.
This is what I hear when the theme music plays. I’m sure many of you know it, but I want people to hear it (and suffer and curse my name every Sunday).
The beginning is so amazing….ONE WEINER NEXT TO ANOTHER WEINER.
It’s that second weiner that is perfect. Also when they sing “nice and soft, not erect.” Goddamn I love Trey and Matt. Jesus.
Wanted to use this last week. Forgot.
Here’s a GIF of Stannis I always wanted to use but never found a place for. And now he’s dead. Thanks, asshole. Remember how he always said ‘fewer?’ Remember when he rode in like a bauce and routed Mance’s army in forty-five seconds? Remember the goddamn beauty of the formation? He was like a king in that moment. Like a real king. And then what did he do? SMFH. What a waste.
Here’s a brief questionnaire I made. Please take it super-seriously. The fate of Westeros depends on it. (It’s a scroll box, so make sure to answer all the questions!)
I hope you treated that with the respect it deserved. But don’t leave yet! There are other questionnaires below!
I like this Hodor drawing.
I love this GIF of Arya and Jon. God were they ever this young? Were we?
Had we known how many sticks she’d get to the face, we would have refused to fall in love with her. Or we would have saved our love for when she really needed it, like if she was bayonetted in the gut several times or something. Not like that would happen.
I have had zero place to use this. I guess that’s what Peter Jackson looks like with a shave and a little pipeweed…
Sacrilege, darling! How dare I? Obviously, that’s J.R.R. Tolkien and George R. R. Martin. And I’m just your friendly neighborhood Lord R. R. Castleton.
Scroll down to the very end for the correct answers. Don’t cheat. Guess first.
Here’s a note I meant to use a few weeks ago in a recap to suggest that maybe one of the writers might be jumping the gun having Daenerys fire up the troops when we’re still forever away from having any boats to get them over the Narrow Sea. Just forgot to use it.
The ‘hero’ we’ve banked our happiness on is the eency-weency, teeny tiny little bauble on the right.
I have to say, I like Gwendoline Christie just bumming around with a champagne bottle, like she’s ready to either rage or brain someone with it. I can’t get over how petite Jon Snow is. That bottle is as long as his femur. Longclaw must be like four and a half inches long. Shortclaw.
Here’s something I made but forgot to run for the last two weeks:
Okay, here’s a bunch of memes and pictures I saved. I never ever ever use them, but here’s a smattering that I liked.
Here’s a series of GIFs someone made that I really like.
“And me wants some hot incest right about now.”
Because the friends he does have usually stab him in the chest and leave him to expire.
Still hard to see Joff. Fucking rabid little shit.
In this case, it led to the destruction of the most noble family in Westeros, the rise of Ramsay Bolton and the Freys, the loss of the Karstarks and Umbers as bannermen and the slaughter of the Tullys. NBD.
I mean, I GET IT, but still. Disastrous.
On Book Readers
Something very interesting is happening between non-book readers and book readers. For most of the series, book readers have known what was generally coming. Maybe certain characters were left out or repurposed, but by and large, book readers had the 411. (97% of book readers were awesome, 3% were weird, smug dbags about having read books) I never like the feeling of not being ‘in the know.’ But in this case I tried to read A Song of Ice and Fire and I just couldn’t get into the writing. Who knows why, but it didn’t click for me. So, I just allowed myself to accept whatever was coming and avoid spoilers. It ended up being pleasant.
Now, however, it’s new for everyone, and it’s kind of funny to see many book readers having a difficult time with that. The LSH thing really seemed to be handled with a giant fuck you from the show (in that I heard a certain person actually PISSED into the same river that LSH is hauled out of). That seems fucking brutal to me, but also hysterical. I guess what I’m saying is that I feel your pain, book readers.
Here’s a fun and kind of torturously irritating but still fun parody of the opening from a few years back from Funny or Die:
There’s also another one you might know here. I almost didn’t list it because I hate when people disable embedding.
This is one of my favorite random GOT things: The show’s title sequence if it was 1995. Brilliant.
On Arya Just Walking Around
In Braavos. Maybe it was just as simple as…my friend won’t kill me. If you think about how close she felt to Jaqen, maybe it hadn’t occured to her that there was no ‘out.’ Yes, Jaqen made it clear that there wouldn’t be a third chance, but maybe she figured she failed out and that failing out didn’t mean actual death. Like, you’re in or your Out, with a capital O. I have a hard time believing Arya would just walk around like a fucking imbecile.
Here’s the Seinfeld version of Game of Thrones. It’s honestly just nice to see Tyrion knocking Joffrey around.
I love this hairstyle fanart:
Couldn’t find the other houses (if the artist made them - would be fun)
Big fan of this one too:
I love looking to see who was scratched off when it was made.
This one is amazing but painful:
That may be my favorite fanart thing I’ve found. Too bad the wolves were such a pain to deal with. I think we all wanted them to be more important than they ultimately turned out to be. Who knows, maybe Ghost will surprise us. I’d rather Nymeria just stays hidden and alive, honestly.
Okay, last questionnaire. Get your thinking caps on. This is a doozy.
You may have noticed that I use BingeWhale for my G.O.T. GIFs. It’s a company owned by friends of mine who are the best people on the planet, and their tool for making GIFs is the easiest one I’ve found. So when I’m trying to kind of hone in on a specific moment - usually something more subtle or minor than you’d find in other recaps or the trove of GIFs people upload, I just make my own. It’s simple, takes only about thirty seconds and viola!
Now, I think I’ve made the best G.O.T. GIFs from last week’s episode below. And I challenge you to try to beat them. Is there a prize? Is my admiration and a hearty virtual pat on the back enough? No? Then there’s no prize. But do it anyway. Because it’s what Ser Davos and Barristan Selmy would do. Bonus points if you can make me laugh.
To paste it in the comments, simply right click on your completed GIF, choose to copy the image link and paste it in Disqus. Voila! You’re done!
Here are mine! Come at me bro! (and ladies)
Bronn gets a lot of attention, and deservedly so, but we have to start talking about Daniel Portman, who plays Pod. I mean, he’s been note perfect in every scene he’s been in for the whole series.
I’ll post the winning GIF in Monday’s recap…
J.R.R. Tolkien: Ronald Reul
George R. R. Martin: Raymond Richard
Lord R. R. Castleton: Reading Rainbow. Wasn’t even an option. Welcome to the Game of Thrones! There are no rules, baby! Chaos is a rainbow!
If you’ve also saved some Game of Thrones things in your digital attic, feel free to share them below. Is there something you want to talk out about the series? Something bothering you about the show that you can’t complain about to your co-workers or your children? BAM. Post it in the comments and we’ll geek out over it.
And make some GIFs, everyone! By the Power of Greyskull, I compel thee!
If you’ve enjoyed any part of this post, please share the everliving shit out of it on Facebook. I get paid in produce and Dustin buys me an extra head of cabbage for each share. Every time you have a new friend fill out these questionnaires, I’m in slaw heaven. I’m not saying my very existence depends on Facebook shares, I’m saying it’s like upvoting my ability to actually eat. For every Twitter follow I get a lamb shank. A few of you help out today and baby, we got a stew goin’!
Thanks in advance. I love you all.
Lord Castleton is professional as fuck. Follow him on Twitter.