Look, Pajiba has some really great coverage on Game of Thrones. Tori’s weekly recap. Lord Castleton’s in-depth episode coverage. Genevieve’s book reader reviews. Hannah’s hilarious Ghost of Thrones series. It’s an embarrassment of riches here, folks.
I truly respect my colleagues on this site.
It’s just that, well, they haven’t addressed what I believe to be the most pressing issue on the show. Granted, we’re all different people with different thoughts and opinions, but to me, this is just, like, really important, you know? That’s why I’m being forced to address it now: Definitively, without question, the Night King would by far be the best GOT character in bed.
Like, hands down, not even a question, the Night King is the one you want to take home. Let me tell you why.
He knows what he wants.
We’ve seen this dude doggedly pursue his goals with a singular determination that no one else on the show can match. Now imagine that attention and energy focused on showing you a good time. Yeah, I know.
He is focused.
Look, I’ve never successfully thrown an ice javelin in the air and was able to take down a dragon, but he can. His focus would be on you and want you want. Let that sink in for a second.
He’s a leader.
All I’m saying is, he’s somehow convinced an undead army to march a long way, and that was before he had an ice dragon. There’s clearly something about him that inspires confidence and loyalty. Why not try to figure it out (for a night)?
He’s the silent strong type.
I’ll be honest I don’t pay super close attention to GOT so I could be wrong, but as far as I know, he’s never spoken a flipping word. Now, keep in mind I said he’d be the best in bed—not a relationship. So, in this case, you don’t need to talk. You just need to get down to business. There’s no fuss or muss with his approach, I’m sure. Just you, him, and… you know.
I mean, look, if it’s a relationship you’re after, obviously the best choice there is true blue Ser Brienne of Tarth, who will be loyal to you until the end, while also taking her responsibilities as your boo very seriously.
But if you’re just looking for a good time and not a long time? Well, friends, as we all know, the Night King, and winter, is…
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