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The Onion Knight Asks For Mutton and 6 Other Small But Amazing Details in the 'Game of Thrones' Premiere

By Lord Castleton | Game of Thrones | April 25, 2016 |

By Lord Castleton | Game of Thrones | April 25, 2016 |

Oh god, it was so glorious to be back in Westeros, wasn’t it?

I could kind of talk forever about last night’s episode, but I just want to focus on a few small but important moments that happened. Let’s start with the title. Ser Davos.

I mean, mutton. “I’m not much of a hunter…”

His stalling tactics are so much fun. He’s buying time for Dolorous Edd to have a shot at making it back in time with the wildlings (if they’ll even come). If you don’t love Ser Davos more than most of your own family, you need to have your head examined. He is magical. I hang on every word he says like a child. His wisdom in that room with Jon’s body was invaluable, as was his quick strategery to suss out the odds and make a plan. Bringing in Ghost! Sending Edd! Rolling his assets and liabilities around like a grizzled Westley? He is magical. When Jon Snow eventually wakes up, (because I’m solidly in that camp), I pray to the old gods and the new that The Onion Knight is his Hand. My god. Lastly, I was sure that as soon as Ser Davos found out what the Red Woman had done to Shireen, he was going to smite her like a fly. The fact that he’s considering using her? Man that speaks to how dire his situation is. (And yes, he probably doesn’t know her role in Shireen’s death yet.)

Side note: How cool is Ghost?

All the Brienne of it all.

Lady Castleton and I were standing and cheering in our living room. Well, I was standing, anyway. She was more dignified but she kept saying “Thank god. Thank god.”

All of the Brienne saving / fighting stuff was great. Am I being too picky wondering why she has any trouble with a Bolton rando when she bested The (fucking) Hound? Probably. Even so, my favorite moment of this whole thing, and one easily missed, was a great choice by director Jeremy Podeswa, where, when Brienne offers her sword to Sansa…(ahem) again, Sansa LOOKS AT REEK LIKE AN ADVISOR. He nods his approval, and then Sansa accepts.

And then, as she stumbles through the protocol, it’s Pod who helps her through. Theon may be gone, and Reek may be all we have left of the Greyjoy heir, but man, I love everyone in this scene. Holy shit. Magic.

So happy these two are finally a thing. Cat smiles from beyond the grave.

Arya getting her fucking ass kicked

I loved loved loved this. Why? Well, basically this is just phase two of her training, a phase which will only end when Arya learns to fight without using her eyes. She’s Luke Skywalker. That’s it. It’s not the punishment that The Faceless Man is pretending it is. It’s just the next step in her progression, a step he himself probably went through years ago. It’s kind of awesome, and the imagery of Arya with the Titan of Braavos behind her is no accident.

“You have no cock”

…is the most bro-ish haze ever said on Game of Thrones. I spit out my drink when Tyrion said it. Let me preface this by saying that I can’t get enough of these two. They complete me. They’re kind of the team I know Jon Snow and Ser Davos could be. Hopefully the team that Sansa and Brienne might be. They’re so awesome together and Tyrion throwing shade at his friend - the only person he actually trusts in the world? - it’s just beautiful bonding shit. Conleth Hill (The Spider) doesn’t get nearly enough credit for the subtlety of his performance. He’s captivating.

Also, “she thinks you want to eat her baby” His Valyrian is terrible is a close runner up. I could watch these two all day.

The Sand Snakes

Okay, so I have a family member who is kind of as poisonous as Ellaria Sand, so I have a natural aversion to her. I really liked how Prince Doran kept Dorne safe and peaceful while the rest of the world exploded into chaos. I admired that. Aaaaaand in four seconds, he’s gone. But the thing that really floored me is how fast Areo Hotah went down!

Ho, fellah! You got smote by a girl who looks like she’s in the fourth grade! Daaaaaaamn, fool! You ended up sucking. Jeeeee-zus. That might be the fastest anyone went from imposing to dead in Game of Thrones. Wow.

Meanwhile every royal guard just stands around like oh the prince is getting assassinated. Yawn. Whatevs.

Are the people of Dorne that angry? Do they really want war that much? I know the “Dorne will never again be ruled by weak men” is kind of a cool rallying cry for empowered women, but on the other hand, those men were kind and peaceful and kept families safe. So, uh…high five? You never want a person like Ellaria Sand to have actual power, and now she does. She’s like if there was a coup and suddenly Anne Coulter was in The White House. The royal guards and the people of Dorne want Ellaria Sand? Fine. That’s probably the leader they deserve.

Oh and side note: Trystane, dude. I know their scenes last season were pathetic, but don’t turn your back on a Sand Snake, amigo. Jeez.

Honorable mention moments:

— Jaime: Fuck everyone else — so, he’s learned nothing. Great.

— The High Sparrow dangling a way out to Margaery through her love for Tommen was interesting.

— I don’t know why the Daenerys stuff didn’t grab me as much. Maybe she shouldn’t have wandered away from her dragon? I want to like her more than I do.

— Ramsay Bolton having to eat shit a little was nice. Only his father can make him twist like that. Granted, I want to see both of them suffer, but I’ll take what I can get.

— Reek being a hero in back-to-back eps? Come on now!

No show goes from oooooooh to oooooof faster than Game of Thrones. Someone needs some Oil-of-Olay like you read about.

What were your favorite moments of Season 6 Episode 1?

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Lord Castleton is a staff contributor. You can follow him on Twitter.