film / tv / politics / social media / lists / web / celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb


Finally, Britain Unites -- To Criticise DI Alec Hardy’s Tea-Making Skills

By Hannah Sole | Food Porn | March 14, 2017 |

By Hannah Sole | Food Porn | March 14, 2017 |

As a nation divided - over Brexit, Scottish Independence and Marmite - what a relief it is to find a cause that briefly, gloriously, brings us all together again.

I’m talking about the abomination that is microwaved tea. MICROWAVED TEA!


In last night’s Broadchurch episode, DI Alec Hardy nonchalantly heated up his cuppa in the office microwave, much to Sergeant Miller’s disgust. “Are you really going to drink that disgusting stewed tea?” she asked. (That’s not a spoiler, I promise.)

The British twittersphere (the Brittersphere? No?), rather predictably, went bananas.

Yes, it’s a cliché, but a lot of Brits have Strong Feelings about tea and tea-related issues. (Maybe we’re still sore about the great Tea Mutiny of 1773…)

Tea arguments that are perfectly acceptable:
Is fruit tea proper tea?
Is iced tea proper tea?
Which is better: posh tea or builders’ tea?
Do you put the milk in first?
What’s the best biscuit for dunking in your tea?

Tea problems we expect and that make us a little sad on a regular basis:
Disappointing tea from coffee shops (the water’s just not hot enough!)
Disappointing tea when we go abroad (that’s why some of us take tea bags on holiday - don’t judge, it’s for the best)

Tea truths that are universally acknowledged:
Tea should be the colour of He-Man’s face


As a coffee and tea drinker (not together, I’m not a monster), there is a time for each. Coffee is what gets me out of bed in the morning and prevents me from being pure evil. Tea is like a gentle, comforting hug. But stewed in the microwave? The horror.

Drink it iced if you must. Add sugar, or don’t, whatever. But for the love of all that is sacred, don’t heat it up in the microwave. If in some terrible series of unfortunate events, you forget your tea and it’s gone cold, just make a fresh one. Please… (According to Kellyanne Conway, your microwave might report you anyway, so best not to risk it.)

Right, on that note, I’m off to make a cup of builders’ tea, milk in first, brewed to a perfect He-Man shade, with some chocolate fingers on the side. (If you haven’t tried using chocolate fingers as a biscuit-y straw for a hot cup of tea - DO IT - and thank me later.)


Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.