“And so we ask ourselves, was the coming of Thanos the arrival of a purple-skinned messiah? And the Lord did say, ‘Phrasing.’”
In today’s topsy-turvy world, it’s hard to reach these keeds. God knows I’d barely have a relationship with my son if I wasn’t on board with getting absolutely wrecked at Fortnite every single time I pick up the controller. I’m Vincent Vega on the toilet to a world of eight-year-old Butch Coolidges whose parents clearly don’t mind them hurling hate speech at strangers because they can’t build a fort worth sh*t. (Gays are actually fantastic at carpentry, you squeak-voiced turds.)
Anyway, Marvel movies are another surefire way to “rap” with today’s youth that’s almost impossible to screw up. They’re 22 individual icebreakers served up on a silver platter and literally all you have to do is not spoil one of them while it’s still in theaters. You’d have to be a special kind of moron to do something that stupid like, oh I dunno, a youth pastor.
Here’s Matthew Hernandez of Gateway Church in Southlake, TX completely spoiling Avengers: Endgame to a crowd of over 1,000 teenagers. If you can’t tell by Hernandez’s surprisingly posh Instagram for a youth pastor — Why am I suddenly reminded of camels and needles? — Gateway appears to be a cash-loaded megachurch hence the buttload of kids.
Warning: Video contains spoilers.
In the short clip, you can instantly tell when Hernandez realizes he just screwed the pooch and out of wedlock no less. But in classic youth pastor form, he has to power through like the wise, all-knowing sage chosen by the Lord that he is, so he doubles down with “I just saved you $12 on an overpriced movie.” Because there’s nothing teenagers respond to more than grown-ups sh*tting on their interests. They love it.
After going viral, Hernandez posted an Instagram Story apology, but, again, he put the blame on the audience. Only this time, instead of condescending them for liking an overpriced film, he called them out by saying, “I thought all true fans had already seen the Endgame.” So not only has Hernandez turned kids away from the church by demonstrating that youth pastors are out here dropping spoilers, he also made it clear that they’ll be total d*cks about it, too.
As for how someone like Hernandez even becomes a youth pastor, I can tell you from experience that this reddit by “LadyRimouski” is extremely on point.
Ive seen how it goes from the inside. A young man isnt completely apathetic about his faith. Everybody starts telling him he should go into ministry. Diesnt matter what his gifts are or if hes not particularly gifted in teaching, or encouragement or theology. Does some very rudimentary training and gets hired at a church as a youth pastor because hes younger than 50 and he’ll be at the bottom of the pastoral hierarchy so nobody cares that much.
Then 1000 christian parents dump their teens with a twenty-something for 4 hours a week to learn everything there is about God, spirituality, religion and living our your faith.
And they wonder why the new generation is dropping Christianity
There’s also the largely unexplored issue of giving white dudes with snake-oil degrees from religious universities the authority to “counsel” teenagers coping with mental health issues. Just like prayer doesn’t do a goddamn thing to curb gun violence, you’ll probably be surprised to learn that it does f*ck-all for anxiety and depression. Especially when working in concert with sermons that teach kids to feel ashamed about who they love and/or their own bodily needs. You got yourself a real holy sh*t-show right there, but enough about my personal Wonder Years.
Source: The AV Club
Header Image Source: Marvel