Welcome back to another exciting edition of “Trailers That Are Interesting, But Not So Interesting That They Deserve Their Own Articles” — a title that our producers wish we hadn’t gone with, but this show prides itself on being obvious, literal, and painfully verbose. Brands are important! Anywhoodle, joining us on the virtual couch today are a serial killer, a De Palma movie, an artsy AF Amazon Prime show, David Bautista in a cute-off with a kid (he wins, duh), and more. CUE APPLAUSE!
Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile — Coming to Netflix on May 3, 2019
A movie about the crimes of serial killer Ted Bundy (Zac Efron), but the twist is that it’s all from the perspective of his longtime girlfriend Liz (Lily Collins) — a woman who apparently spent years refusing to believe Bundy was a monster at all. Which is a pretty good angle to take! After all, if there’s anything people love, it’s True Crime and asking women why they didn’t say “stop”. The film, from director Joe Berlinger, also stars Kaya Scodelario, Jeffrey Donovan, Angela Sarafyan, Dylan Baker, Haley Joel Osment, Jim Parsons and John Malkovich.
Domino — In theaters and On Demand May 31, 2019
This movie has all the makings of a beautiful disaster. Brian De Palma directed Domino, but it sounds like a project he’s mostly washed his hands of, citing struggles with his Danish producers. There’s also some question as to how involved he was in the final cut. All of which I discovered after I watched the trailer, which may explain why I was getting some serious half-baked The Snowman vibes from it. Only with ISIS instead of, like, snowmen. It stars Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (GoT’s Jaime Lannister), Carice van Houten (GoT’s Melisandre), and Guy Pearce (who actually has a baby with van Houten!). And like a perfect cherry of “ehhhhh” on top, there’s the poster, which as Kristy pointed out has the most nonsensical tag line EVER:
“Murder can lead to deadlier crimes.” Deadlier than… murder? Like what, mass murder? More murder? I… what?
Too Old To Die Young — Coming to Amazon Prime on June 14, 2019
Trust me when I tell you that I have checked MULTIPLE TIMES to make sure this trailer didn’t drop on April Fools’ Day, because… WTF is it, even? Created by Nicolas Winding Refn and comic writer Ed Brubaker, the series stars Miles Teller, John Hawkes, and a platinum blonde Jena Malone. It looks like an homage to David Lynch’s Lost Highway, and best of all there’s the plot synopsis offered by Amazon: “Following characters’ existential journeys from killers to samurai in the City of Angels.” WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! Whatever, I’m into it. Pump it straight into my eyeholes.
My Spy — In theaters “soon”
Proving once again that David Bautista has incredible deadpan comedic timing, here’s a movie where he plays a very bad CIA operative who gets blackmailed into teaching a precocious little girl (Chloe Coleman) how to be a spy. Can we all just agree to give Bautista more roles like this, please?
J.T LeRoy — In theaters and On Demand April 26
You know how we here at Pajiba love some good publishing drama, and the saga of J.T. Leroy is one of the grandest dramas to ever emerge from the publishing world. J.T. Leroy was the author of several celebrated books, but it turned out that the persona was a pseudonym. The real writer was a woman named Laura Albert (Laura Dern), who paraded her sister-in-law Savannah (Kristin Stewart) around as the face of LeRoy in public. The film also stars Diane Kruger, Jim Sturgess, and Courtney Love.
And finally, here is an Instagram post that deserves to be a trailer, even if it isn’t. Because dammit, Hollywood, if Michelle Pfeiffer is out here telling you she’s still got her Catwoman whip, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?