Hello. Now that I have you here, courtesy of Natalie Portman’s hair, can we talk? Because I want to get things started today with something that is barely a trailer — but makes up for it by being WHOLLY MYSTERIOUS. Some backstory: The mid-credit sequence in this summer’s ultimate superhero romp Teen Titans GO! To The Movies teased the return of the original animated Teen Titans — winking at the fans of the older show who prefer it to the newer, sillier iteration. And then this week, a teaser trailer that supposedly will be featured on the upcoming DVD release of Teen Titans GO! To The Movies was leaked online. A teaser trailer for a project called… Teen Titans GO! vs Teen Titans.
Is that going to be the premise for the theatrical sequel? Could it be a Cartoon Network special event? Is it a gag on the part of the studio… or, worse, randos on the internet? I wish I could tell you. All I know is that this 30 seconds of nothing got me more hyped than anything else I’m gonna share with you today — and I’m kind of ashamed of that.
But not really.
Vox Lux — In theaters December 7
Look, I was totally going to research this one and try to get a handle on the plot so I could relay to you here. After all, it premiered at the Venice Film Festival earlier this year, and reviews are already floating about. But… then I watched the trailer. And you know what? I don’t wanna know any more about it. Like, I get it: pop star dramz, Natalie Portman lookin’ like a badass, Jude Law in a turtleneck, and “Original Songs By Sia.” Say no more, Vox Lux — I’M SOLD.
Escape Room - In theaters January 2019
Have you ever gone and done one of those Escape Rooms scenarios? Or played puzzler games like, uh, “The Room” series? I lap that stuff up. Which may explain why this trailer is really doing it for me. Sure, it could just be some pale mash-up of Cube and the Saw movies and Fincher’s The Game, only with Deborah Ann Woll and Tyler Labine, but even if that’s all it actually is… I mean, that sounds pretty great actually. Also? It took me a few watches to peg why Taylor Russell looked familiar to me: She’s Judy in Netflix’s Lost in Space reboot!
Cold Pursuit - In theaters February 8, 2019
Watching this trailer made me realize that the only actor I have any interest seeing in some White Man Vigilante role is Liam frickin’ Neeson. He picks good ones! And for a movie about a dad on the hunt for the drug lord that’s behind his son’s mysterious death, it looks… surprisingly funny? Laura Dern and Emmy Rossum also star.
The Prodigy — In theaters February 8, 2019
Orange Is The New Black’s Taylor Schilling stars as the mother of a creepy kid who’s, like, possessed maybe? But all I’m really getting from this is that if she didn’t want her kid to be creepy, maybe she shouldn’t have named him “Miles.” I’m not saying all people named Miles are creepy - it’s a great name for adults! And, apparently, for kids who secretly are inhabited by adults.
Bird Box - Coming to Netflix December 21
Did you like A Quiet Place but wish it was louder? This is like that, only the population-decimating threat is something you shouldn’t look at, rather than something you shouldn’t make sounds around. Directed by The Night Manager’s Susanne Bier, this one has a ridiculously well-stocked cast: Sandra Bullock, Sarah Paulson, old crank John Malkovich, Trevante Rhodes, Lil Rel Howery, Jacki Weaver, Rosa Salazar, and BD Wong!
The Front Runner - In theaters November 21
Hugh Jackman plays Senator Gary Hart in Jason Reitman’s take on the 1988 presidential campaign, and the political scandal that… frankly seems quaint right about now. Also starring Vera Farmiga, J.K. Simmons and Alfred Molina, but honestly I’m here to see Jackman throw that axe again! BOOYAH!
Header Image Source: Neon