The 'Melania' Doc Is Already Generating Humiliating Headlines

For those who may not know, because you’ve apparently taken a few days off from the limited high of schadenfreude, Jeff Bezos paid/bribed Melania Trump $40 million for what appears to be an indescribably bland documentary about her preparing for the inauguration. They hired the disgraced Brett Ratner to direct it, and they’re pumping $35 million into the marketing budget to promote it and premiere it on 1,500 screens.

All of this is insane for a documentary, but it also illustrates just how far Jeff Bezos will go to kiss the ring. I expect, however, that the whole charade will backfire spectacularly because when it flops — and it definitely will — the embarrassment that Donald and Melania Trump will suffer will not be worth the $28 million that Melania was personally paid, particularly considering that Donald Trump has personally accrued at least about $1.4 billion in profit in his first year back in office. That is a conservative estimate that does not account for the billions he’s likely made in opaque transactions and unrealized gains.

As for whether it will flop? Box office predictions forecast $1 to $2 million for its opening weekend. But even if it manages that, it won’t make up for all the headlines generated by the presales. For instance, Hoyts Cinemas in Australia has sold one ticket for the entire weekend across every showing in 12 theaters so far. It’s not going any better in London, according to The Guardian:

UK ticket sales for Melania are so far “soft”, according to Tim Richards, the chief executive of Vue, one of the country’s biggest cinema operators. Just one ticket has been sold for the first 3.10pm screening on Friday at its flagship Islington branch in London, while two have been booked for 6pm.

At the time of publication, all seats remained available for the 28 screenings of Melania at the Blackburn, Castleford and Hamilton branches.

The picture was slightly rosier at the Cineworld in Wandsworth, which had sold four tickets, while five backrow seats were also booked at the Cineworld in Broughton.

Sales are likewise expected to be soft in the United States because even MAGA doesn’t seem to be interested, probably because no libs are owned. We will not be reviewing it here because I cannot imagine asking someone to sit through it, or even suffer the humiliation of purchasing a ticket, and I’m certainly not going to see it myself. I don’t hate myself or love all of you that much. But I do personally look forward to the humiliating box office headlines that will roll out this weekend, and to the President somehow blaming Bezos for its failure, despite the marketing spend behind it.

Here’s Colbert enjoying a laugh at the documentary’s expense.