9:02 — Alright, we’re an hour in. I think I’m done up here. Y’all are having much more fun in the comments, so I’ll join the rest of you there. For latecomers, please jump on down and trust that their running commentary is much better than mine (with less refreshing!) Also, if any of you watch True Detective and come into the comments with spoilers, I will ban you and then I will remove your intestines and hang you with them.
8:59 — I’ll admit I don’t really know what a sound mixer does specifically, but I suspect for Bohemian Rhapsody, there were just like, “Play the damn Queen song already!” I don’t know why they needed three people for that, but easiest Oscar ever?
8:57 — Since the Sound Editor was basically the director of Bohemian Rhapsody, I’ll allow it.
8:47 — Diane Warren wrote this? Jesus, how many Oscar nominations does she have? (The answer is 10, dating back to 1988’s Mannequin (and she wasn’t even nominated for Dirty Dancing)). She also probably has the honor of being nominated the most number of times for her involvement in bad movies (Mannequin, Up Close and Personal, Armageddon — oh, be quiet. Armageddon sucked.
8:45 — So, if Roma and Black Panther sweep most of the night? I’m alright with that. The “boring” awards are not so boring when amazing people win them.
8:37 — Reminder to those in the comments arguing Best Chris. In 2019, it is Hemsworth, Evans, Pine and Pratt. Don’t blame me. You voted that way. I sure as hell didn’t, but I will honor the results. Elections matter.
8:31 — Congratulations! Everyone here has seen at least one Oscar winner tonight!
8:28 — The Vice make-up people are really making the Oscar folks regret putting that award into the telecast.
8:24: Tom Morello? At the Oscars? Sure, why not! It’s super weird to see him in a tux, though. (I liked Vice. Not “Best Picture” liked, but the performances were pretty phenomenal).
8:16 — I haven’t actually seen Free Solo, but I have seen every single episode of Suits. You knew what you were getting into here. Also, RBG may have lost, but RBG could kick all their asses.
8:11 — I understand you’re allowed to turn in three Emmy snubs for one Oscar, so Regina King should probably be collecting two Oscars right now. In other news, Annapurna may need to melt King’s Oscar down and sell it to stave off bankruptcy.
8:08 — If we could just cancel the rest of the Oscars and let Amy, Tina, and Maya remain on stage for the next three hours, that’d be great. Thanks!
8:05 — This is really how they’re kicking off the Oscars? With a Queen tribute performed with Adam Lambert as the lead. THIS IS THE BEST THEY COULD DO. This is the fucking Oscars, people! Not The Masked Singer.
This is literally the most embarrassing thing since Rob Lowe’s opening musical number.
8:00: I missed the Red Carpet, so here’s a quick catch up:
There. You’re all caught up.
7:55 — Welcome back to another Oscars liveblog. Because there is no host at this year’s Oscars, the thing to do, I suppose, is to go without a host of this live blog. I’m not going to do that for at least 20 minutes.
My guess is that I will have a few drinks, get things going, and 30 to 45 minutes into this thing, everyone will stop paying attention to the blog because it’s annoying to have to refresh the page. You’ll all have your own Oscar party in the comments. After the third glass of wine, I’ll realize that no one is reading a word I’m saying, and I’ll start to feel lonely up here, and then I’ll end up abandoning the live blog and joining Figgy and the rest of you in the comments, where you’ll ignore me there, too!
Header Image Source: Screenrant