Not too long ago a friend posed an interesting quandary via text message. She wrote, apropos of nothing, “Who would you rather: Buscemi or Guzman?”. I found myself surprised by my ready and enthusiastic answer. Guzmán, Guzmán, a thousand times Guzmán! I’ve always appreciated Luis Guzmán as an outstanding character actor. It’s always a lovely surprise to see his name in the opening credits of a film, because when you do, you know you’re in for a treat. But I had never really thought of him sexually. That is, until I did.
Now I can’t get him out of my head. Speaking of heads, I think that Luis’ well-defined brow ridge is a sign of a thoughtful and confident lover. But enough about my urges! I’m sure some of you weirdos out there don’t want to think about Luis in “that way”, as is your right (but you’re wrong). But nobody has the right to not think of Luis’ contributions to cinema as anything less than indispensable!
Luis’ most memorable performances are too numerous to count, but it doesn’t mean one shouldn’t try. It’s his birthday after all. Luis is 62 today and as virile as a man half his age. Here’s Luis himself at half his age. Hubba hubba!
One of my favorite Luis performances was as Maurice in Boogie Nights.
Luis is to be credited for me always just wearing what I dig. And he’s a man who takes his own (character’s) advice!
Can you imagine Carlito’s Way, Out Of Sight, The Count of Monte Cristo or that first season of Narcos without Luis? I mean you could, technically, but why would you?
"Carlito man, it's Death Valley out here man… You know me, I'll take to the streets with any of these m************ man, but these new kids now days, they got no respect for human life. They shotgun you just to see you fly in the air." 🔫📦🎭🇺🇸📷🎥🌴 📦Shop at www mafiachronicles.com📦 #LuisGuzman #AlPacino #CarlitosWay #gangsters #boricua #PuertoRico #PuertoRican #BrianDePalma #moviequotes #film #reddish #actorslife #acting
Luis is so iconic that he’s been a subject of some of the most important artists of the last century. Diego Rivera painted Luis way back in 1915. I’m not sure if Luis traveled back in time to sit with Diego, or if Diego brought his lazy butt to our century to capture his likeness.
Here are a couple more contemporary takes.
A Guzman is hard to find. Oh wait, here’s one! Trying out #gouache for the first time by painting everyone’s favorite Puerto Rican character actor, Luis Guzman @IamLuisGuzman #illustration #luisguzman #blowingkisses #mwah pic.twitter.com/j6YT23Wl1A— Zack Rock (@ZackRock) August 28, 2018
Of course, the most notable artistic representation of Luis Guzmán is the golden statue of him erected at Greendale Community College, his alma mater (don’t believe me, look it up. It says so right there on his Wikipedia page).
Temple Coach Fran Dunphy said grad mgr Luis Guzmán who played there called; thought he went to Greendale Community pic.twitter.com/zvbHWSxQXh— John Tharp (@JohnPTharp) March 14, 2016
Although Luis was born in Puerto Rico, he’s a New Yorker through and through. If you’re lucky, one day you might run into him taking the subway. But if you do, for the love of God, don’t put your finger in his face.
Happy birthday, you sexy beast!