Netflix's 'Trigger Warning' Suggests Jessica Alba's Hiatus Should've Been Longer

Trigger Warning is ostensibly a reference to content that might cause distress, but a more apt label for the latest Netflix original might be “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” Or perhaps “Caution: Smooth brain syndrome ahead.” Better yet, “Danger: Mixing with woke mind virus may result in terminal ennui.”

It’s a bad movie, is what I’m saying. But it’s the comforting kind of bad, like slipping into a pair of threadbare sweatpants with mustard stains and cigarette burns. You know exactly what you’re getting because Netflix has churned out this same flick a dozen times before. It’s so familiar your brain can autopilot through entire scenes while you doze off.

Jessica Alba — emerging from a five-year film hiatus during which she was busy beauty-company-running girlboss billionaire — plays Parker, a special forces/CIA badass who takes a break from her terrorist-ass-kicking day job to return to her quaint hometown of Creation. Why? Her dad died when his literal man cave caved in. Parker, being the brilliant operative she is, quickly deduces it was not an accident.

Our heroine reluctantly teams up with Jesse (Mark Webber), her childhood flame turned local sheriff, whose daddy issues come in the form of Senator Swann (Anthony Michael Hall, sufficiently jowly enough to play evil now). It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the Senator and his other kid, Elvis (Jake Weary), are up to no good. They’re peddling military-grade weapons out of the very cave that claimed Parker’s father. It’s a ridiculous setup — who runs a weapons depot out of a cave? — but it does set the stage for a claustrophobic showdown in the third act.

Alba’s Rambo doesn’t go it entirely alone. She’s got Spider (Tone Bell), her tech-savvy special forces buddy who handles all the Hollywood hacking nonsense, and Mike (Gabriel Basso), the local weed dealer whose bland face you’ve already forgotten despite him headlining that other Netflix series, The Night Agent.

Trigger Warning is directed by Indonesian filmmaker Mouly Surya, who’s likely capable of much better than this, but the Netflix content factory, much like its Marvel counterpart, has a formula tighter than Alba’s camo pants. There’s a house style, and directors are expected to color within those lines. To Surya’s credit, there is some decent fight choreography — Alba still has those Dark Angel moves in her back pocket — and both Weber and Basso sport impressively lush facial hair, which is my way of grasping at straws to say something positive.

Ultimately, Trigger Warning is a film that exists, taking up space on Netflix’s servers. While it might scratch that itch for mindless action on a lazy Sunday afternoon, you’re better off rewatching The Old Guard.