film / tv / politics / social media / lists / web / celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb


Marlon Wayans Humps The Conjuring Doll in A Haunted House 2: Parody Is Dead

By Agent Bedhead | Film | April 18, 2014 |

By Agent Bedhead | Film | April 18, 2014 |

A Haunted House 2 makes every conceivable effort to be just as reprehensible as its 2013 predecessor, and it largely succeeds. This sequel isn’t as homophopic as the first movie, but it does double down on the animal hate. Dogs, man. Gotta crush ‘em or blow their heads off. The same goes for roosters.

Is that offensive? Good. It should be.

Marlon Wayans has enjoyed a bizarre career. He’s responsible for the first two Scary Movie installments but has also done serious fare like Requiem for a Dream. All of the tasteless stuff like White Chicks outweighs the good. Wayans rarely aims high, but with the Haunted House franchise, he’s shooting straight for the gutter.

Wayans is back, unfortunately, as Malcolm, who is trying to get rid of his possessed girlfriend, Kisha (Essence Atkins), from the first movie. Malcolm’s anxious to unload his old baggage because he wants to move on with his new lady, Megan (Jamie Pressley), for some sexy time. Malcolm’s got a new home and figures he and his latest woman are safe, but Kisha’s soul hasn’t left the parnormal building yet. To make things more complicated, the creepy doll from The Conjuring shows up in his bed.

A Haunted House painted with a very broad brush when diving into the horror genre. They went as far back as Ghostbusters and stomped upon fare as recent as The Last Exorcism. Most of the sequel’s cues are taken from very recent horror movies, which will date A Haunted House 2 faster (always a plus in the long run). This “fresher” material potentially draws a laugh or two, but that’s only because the more recent movies lend themselves more to parody. The Conjuring’s Ed and Lorraine Warren (and that goddamn doll!) were already ripe for kicking around, so invoking their memory will draw a chuckle even if A Haunted House 2 doesn’t try very hard. When that creepy doll won’t die, Malcolm decides having sex with it is a great idea. Yes, he has sex with The Conjuring doll. If I was reading about it, my own bad taste might find it slightly humorous (“Miss me?”), but watching it happen isn’t funny at all. He humps that doll A LOT.

This sequel also unapologetically (and heavily) cribs from Sinister and Insidious. There’s a completely awful scene involving a blood ritual with a rooster who’s smarter than Wayans. Kanye West and the Kardashians get lip service, and there’s some Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones badness to be had too. Cedric the Entertainer is back as exorcist Father Williams. God only knows why.

Once again, this sequel doesn’t bother satirizing the original fare. This is straight-up, idiotic parody with no rhyme or reason. It’s just a bunch of haphazard scenes dropped into one feature film with no comment made upon the horror genre. A Haunted House 2 is a dreadful experience, but it does make fun of some movies that deserve it. I personally enjoyed the hell out of Sinister but can readily admit that Baghuul was ripe for being made fun of. There’s a clever way to do that, and this movie doesn’t succeed. Part of the problem is that Wayans doesn’t give a shit about his targets. He’s only plucking off the lowest-hanging fruit and tossing it against the wall in a splatter pattern. A Haunted House 2 doesn’t have much of a story. It’s a series of send-ups that plays like an 80-minute trailer. You must — and this is crucial — must be fan of Marlon Wayans’ offensive humor to take anything from this movie but sheer revulsion.

Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She can be found at Celebitchy.

Cameron Diaz vs. Kirsten Dunst in the Battle of Vapid Remarks | A Record Store Day Survival Guide