film / tv / politics / social media / celeb/ pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb

Screen Shot 2019-08-26 at 3.29.46 PM.png
ant-man-giant-man.jpg

Ant-Man Exploding Thanos' Butt Is the Only 'Avengers: Endgame' Theory That Matters

By Mike Redmond | Film | March 29, 2019 |

By Mike Redmond | Film | March 29, 2019 |


ant-man-giant-man.jpg

Before we begin, I’d be remiss in my journalistic duties if I didn’t report that Vox published an actual explainer for an Avengers: Endgame theory where Ant-Man kills Thanos by crawling up his butt. This is our world now.

In fairness, the exploding anus theory has legs. In the rare moments when I’m not exhibiting laser-like focus on Meghan McCain, Ant-Man exploding Thanos’ colon is all I’ve been thinking about. My children barely have a father anymore.

However, while the theory seems to have everything — plausibility, alien rectums, Ant-Man — Paul Rudd has some concerns. During an interview for Ant-Man and the Wasp, Rudd read a viral tweet on the most groundbreaking topic in the history of cinema and gamely played along.

Rudd’s concerns are two-fold: Granted, yes, Ant-Man could obviously fit inside Thanos’ butt. He’s Ant-Man! That said, Thanos is stupid strong and would presumably have an equally as strong anus. On top of that, he’s wielding the Infinity Gauntlet, and I’m pretty sure the powers of a magic space glove would encapsulate even the most purple of asses. I ran the numbers. So as epically heroic as exploding Thanos’ butt might sound, there’s a high probability that Ant-Man would only crush himself against the inside of an alien sphincter.

Rudd’s other concern is that this seems more like a question for Josh Brolin, who is definitely aware and has some thoughts on how this theory would play out.

Yup, that’s probably how that would go.

Sadly, we’ll never know if Ant-Man truly could murder Thanos through the a-hole because Marvel lacks the courage to show real dramatic stakes in its superhero films. Fortunately, the internet is here to fill our needs. Our weird, sick needs that we should probably talk to somebody about. This can’t be healthy.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be caressing my journalism degree. It did good today. It did good …




Header Image Source: Marvel


Ep. 3: Breaking Down 'The Act' and the Real-Life Gypsy Rose and Dee Dee Blanchard

March Madness: Best Chris Bracket, Round 4: Chris Evans and Keanu Reeves Could Face Off





 
GettyImages-145930939.jpg

15 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Charlie Day from 'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia'

Jennifer-Lopez-Hustlers-1170194102.jpg

'Hustlers': Does Jennifer Lopez look like the real Ramona Vega? Compare the Cast with the Real Women

GettyImages-614935562.jpg

Where the Hell Has Joseph Gordon-Levitt Been?

GettyImages-52001882.jpg

Letters Supporting Felicity Huffman Present an Unflattering Picture of Another 'Desperate Wives' Co-Star

Dave-Chappelle-Sticks-and-Stones-Netflix.png

Who Is Dave Chappelle's Netflix Special 'Sticks & Stones' For?





hollywood-read.png







The Pajiba Store


petr-store-pajiba.png
















Privacy Policy
advertise