Someone Give John Waters the Money to Make a Movie With Aubrey Plaza!

John Waters is turning 80. The Pope of Trash and one of our greatest filmmakers is getting ready to celebrate the occasion with a touring show. As well as being a writer, director, author, and star of one of the best ever episodes of The Simpsons, Waters is also a hilarious live performer. No word on whether or not the dog poo will be edible or on sale for visitors.

Variety chatted to Waters in anticipation of his Los Angeles gigs. They talked about everything, from Trump to his desire to host the Oscars. He was also asked, once again, if he’d like to direct another movie. Waters hasn’t been behind the camera since 2004’s A Dirty Shame, which is pretty underrated and almost quaint in its deviance. Now that Waters is curiously respectable, with multiple films in the Criterion Collection (both Hairspray and Desperate Living are getting releases soon) and the legendary Pink Flamingos on the BFI’s list of the greatest films of all time, surely we are overdue another Waters film? He certainly thinks so.

He would love to direct again. “I was going to adapt my first novel ‘Liarmouth,’” he told Variety. “It was optioned. I wrote the script. Aubrey Plaza was going to star, but nobody will give us the money.”

Subtitled A Feel-Bad Romance, Liarmouth is about a con artist and her incompetent partner in crime whose luggage theft ring falls apart and leads to a very twisted family reunion. Also, there’s a talking penis. Because of course there is. It’s hilarious. I highly recommend it. Aubrey Plaza is perfect for the lead, and I imagine her mother, who runs a pet cosmetic surgery clinic, as being played by the iconic Mink Stole.

So, why can’t Waters get the money? Alas, it’s hard out there for studiously independent cult filmmakers whose movies don’t make big profits and who remain committed to being NC-17 in their style. Hollywood does not respect its elders, especially its filthy ones. I’m sad that A24 or Neon won’t cough up the $10 million or so to bring to life Waters’s swansong (and he deserves a real budget, not a micro one.) We need some rich dude with good-bad taste and non-evil politics to be a goddamn patron of the arts right now.