I know today is not really the day you want to hear about yet another campaign, but I think you might like this one OK. I’m sure everybody has had more than their fill of cold calls, comically oversized junk mail, spam, spam, spam, egg and spam, TV ads, radio spots, and social media white noise, but there’s one more campaign I’d like to draw your attention to. I promise you, it won’t hurt. And you won’t have to do any research or lift a finger. In fact, the results are completely out of your hands. Politicians aren’t the only people who have to campaign, you know. Here’s the pitch:
Janelle Monáe would very much like to be your next Willy Wonka.
See, that didn’t hurt at all, unless for some reason when I said “Willy Wonka”, your brain immediately sent a distress signal to your mind-picture generators (look, I’m no scientist) and made you visualize a leering Johnny Depp looking like he just won a Chicklet hoarding contest with his gob. If that happened, I’m truly sorry. Erase that! Or, I suppose you also might not love the fact that were even getting a “next Willy Wonka” after the previously mentioned atrocity. But it’s happening, with or without Janelle so, what can you do?
Early reports were that Donald Glover and Ryan Gosling were on the shortlist to play Wonka, which sure, OK. But if they’re gonna make us do this again, could they please at least make it fashion?
Janelle directed this vignette herself. I trust that whatever she does, she’ll do it with the utmost artistic integrity.
It’s been confirmed that Warner Brothers is in fact revisiting Wonka, but this time it’s a prequel. David Heyman, who produced both the Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts franchises, says that while they don’t know exactly what the story is, it’s definitely going to take place pre-chocolate factory fame. Now, I don’t know for sure if Janelle just having a bit of fun here, or if this is an earnest plea to be cast in the movie. Either way I’m all the way here for The Janelle Monáe/Gene Wilder Experience.
And while I have your attention, Lizzo is still campaigning hard for the role of Ursula The Sea Witch in the upcoming live-action The Little Mermaid.
Casting directors, get your shit together!
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