I Don't Get What the Excitement Is All About: A Contrarian 'Civil War' Review
After you’ve all gone on and on for months about Civil War, I watched it last night. And, I gotta tell you, I have no idea what you’ve all been fussing about.
For starters, it was 11 and a half hours long. I had to work this morning, I’m exhausted. And the soundtrack? JESUS. It was just “Ashokan Farewell” played over and over again, like, 30 times. Man, talk about an earworm.
The cast was great. I’ll give you that. Sam Waterston as Abraham Lincoln was a strong yet kind voice, and Morgan Freeman as Frederick Douglass was simply chilling. The fights were decidedly less explosive than I thought they’d be, visually, but it was way darker than I expected, wow. I thought this was a movie for kids, too—and mine was NOT HAPPY.
Everyone’s making a huge deal about spoilers. Like we didn’t all know Lincoln dies at the end. God, you guys have really taken this spoiler thing too far.
And the letters? UGH. I came here to WATCH a movie. Not read it. Good lord. And all this talk about Spider-Man, but it must have been a pretty brief appearance because I didn’t catch him at all. Full disclosure, I fell asleep for a while there—was this him?
All in all, it was fine. Very powerful, massively important to our history. But I don’t know how Marvel expects to make any money off this.
- What if 'Independence Day' with Will Smith is a Warning?
- With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility: Voting for the Pajiba 10 Begins Now
- The 10 Best Movies Of 2019 So Far
- Meghan McCain Wants to Quit 'The View' (WHY, GOD?!)
- 'Yesterday' Is A Love Letter To East Anglia