Thanks to this year’s March of Life, two prayer warriors correctly divined that Avengers: Infinity War is obviously a pro-life allegory. A purple alien sticking magic rocks in a golden space glove? The clues were staring us right in the face! Which got me thinking, what other Hollywood movies contain a powerful message on choosing life that went right over our heads? Obviously, the answer is all of them if you set your Bible-mind to it, but I don’t have that kind of time, so here are just a few examples that suggest maybe Hollywood isn’t such a godless pit of sin and decadence.
In this modern Christmas classic, two dastardly abortionists attempt to expel eight-year-old Kevin from his home a.k.a. the womb. Thanks to a quick pit stop at church to fuel up on prayer power and receive some wise advice from an elder, Kevin has the Godly courage to mete out an elaborate smorgasbord of violence on his adversaries. With the crook’s attempts at aborting Kevin safely thwarted, a beautiful Christmas miracle is born as our young hero reunites with his family for the holidays. Talk about a wholesome lesson on seeing a pregnancy through even if you have to line your uterus with Micro Machines and an occasional tarantula.
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
In the elaborate CGI world of the Star Wars prequels, Darth Vader is only a small boy whom Liam Neeson could have easily stabbed in the head and/or pushed in front of a pod-racer. While godless liberals are constantly obsessed with killing Baby Hitler, it’s refreshing to see one of the biggest franchises in Hollywood say, “Now, wait a minute. Maybe we shouldn’t abort genocidal villains at a young age.” Which, again, would’ve been very easy to do. Jar-Jar Binks had several opportunities, and his clumsiness would have provided the perfect alibi. “Meesa didn’t know the blaster was loaded. Oh’sa well!” Cheers to you, George Lucas.
Because men are God’s chosen protectors, the Ghostbusters are a specialized team who take it upon themselves to rid Manhattan of unholy apparitions terrorizing the city. Except the job is taking a psychological toll on these brave heroes as evidenced by one of them fornicating with the very demons they’re tasked to destroy. As the situation escalates, they’re soon face-to-face with a supernatural invasion on par with the Book of Revelation. But did you ever stop to think about where all of the ghosts came from? I’ll tell you:
Back to the Future
In this time-traveling adventure, none of the characters try to murder Baby Hitler. In fact, it’s never mentioned once in the entire trilogy. Also, it’s commendable to see Marty McFly’s willingness to commit incestuous acts if it will save his parents’ marriage. In this sinful day and age of quickie divorces, it’s always encouraging to see a film that honors preserving marital vows at all costs. That said, I could’ve done without the heavy-handed allusions to Donald Trump being the villain in Back to the Future 2. We get it, Robert Zemeckis, you hate secure borders.
When Jurassic Park hit theaters, it was an unparalleled accomplishment in special effects as director Steven Spielberg seemingly brought dinosaurs to life on the silver screen. It’s also a powerful, cautionary tale about never using birth control ever. In the film, scientists spit in the face of God by preventing the dinosaurs from impregnating each other, which brings His wrath down upon the park. Faces are eaten and limbs are severed as the hubris of man receives its just punishment for not making babies. To quote Jeff Goldblum’s portrayal of handsome youth pastor Ian Malcolm, “Life… finds a way.” Amen.
In this space-faring prequel to the Aliens trilogy, Noomi Rapace’s character gives herself an abortion that ruins her team’s entire mission. They traveled billions of light years to meet an alien race, and her abortion turns into a giant squid monster that ends up eating said alien. If that’s not a damning indictment of Planned Parenthood, I don’t know what is.
What’s that? This pro-life piece of cinema is actually about how Jesus was an alien? Ha! There’s no way that’s right. C’mon. … *checks Google* … Hoo boy.
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
Considering the title character is a liberal arts professor, I wasn’t surprised to learn that Dr. Henry “Indiana” Jones is a man of questionable morals. Early in the film, we learn that Indiana had a romance with a young teenage girl, Marion, whom he didn’t marry and impregnate while she was in her prime birthing years. As a consequence of Indiana’s failure to set Marion on an immediate path to child-rearing, an innocent platoon of German soldiers have their faces melted off.
(In a later installment, Marion and Indiana have a son out of wedlock, and again, we see the vengeance of the Lord move mightily as that child ends up being Shia LaBeouf. Repent!)
After being filled with the miraculous fluid of a radioactive spider, Peter Parker recognizes the personhood of these incredible powers and becomes the amazing Spider-Man…
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