So, it’s one of those days in Sports! Where a lot of people will be gathering around the television to watch Gisele Bündchen’s husband cheat (and not get caught) play my adopted hometown, Los Angeles. While I enjoy LA (sometimes), I am also hoping they lose because the stupid victor’s parade would jam up traffic. Basically if you’re insisting that I care about this, I’m team no one, and hope that secretly both teams lose to a plucky, down-on-their-luck team of scrappy kids from the wrong side of the track, coached by their alcoholic, grizzled-yet-caring coach.
Sure, I used to go to parties to watch this game, but here’s the deal: people want you to shut up while people they don’t know are playing on the field. Those games last for like 5 hours—that’s 5 hours of having to be quiet, eat dip that is rapidly approaching the temperature of cold, and pretend to watch a bunch of men throw a ball around while I’m secretly plotting in my head that if I have a full meltdown and channel Marky Mark from Fear, will they put on Bravo for five minutes?
No thank you. So instead, unless Beyoncé is playing the Half Time show, I use the time during this game to run errands, go to the gym, and generally enjoy how barren local businesses are.
If you’re reading this, then you’re one of my people, and perhaps you may be looking for a movie to fill part of your day, today, too. Well friend, if that’s the case, I got you covered—and I’ll even choose Sports! related movies for you, to make it on brand.
So without further ado, here are some Sports! movies to watch today:
To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure what this movie is about, but I really like the chanting song of “Kumite” that plays over the credits.
Over the Top
Don’t let ANYONE ever tell you that arm wrestling isn’t a sport. EVER.
I genuinely don’t see the difference between people throwing a ball on a field and Fred Savage playing Nintendo in a crowd.
The Legend of Billie Jean
I’m going to be honest, I’m not entirely sure this is a Sports! movie, but I feel like I don’t talk about The Legend of Billie Jean, enough, so…
Musical theater is a blood sport. Don’t trust anyone who tells you otherwise.
D2: The Mighty Ducks
I don’t remember why, but I remember thinking this one was better than the first when it came out, so let’s go with that.
The Little Rascals
I still think this is genuinely one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen, and I want you to know that I’m only high on life right now. This is a movie about hilarious, non-obnoxious, kids who want to enter into a go kart competition. Sounds like a sport to me! It’s only marred by the fact that The Orange One makes a cameo at the end, but it’s easy enough to avoid.
This is my favorite scene, don’t ask me why:
The Cutting Edge
There is nothing about this movie that would lead me to believe that it didn’t win all the awards. You can probably fit in about three viewings to match the length of that football game today. Get to it!
I’ll be honest, I’ve never see this movie, but I’ve always really enjoyed the title. The premise is, of course, very early ’00s so that’s clearly not working in its favor. Vivica A. Fox should be in more things, though.
Life is the ultimate sport, and it’s a fact that you live yours to the fullest when Con Air is on.
Well, that’s it. I’ve listed literally all of the Sports! movies that have ever been made, so there’s nothing to debate in the comments. Share your prize winning chili recipes instead, because I’m curious as to how much cumin you’re all using.
Header Image Source: MGM