Publisher’s Note: The following phone interview with Eric Bana is for a movie called Closed Circuit. It’s clear from the conversation, however, that Bana’s publicist, who arranged the phone interview, did not warn Bana that he was scheduled for an interview.
Pajiba: Hello, Mr. Bana. Thanks for taking time to talk to us about your new movie.
Bana: I’m sorry, but who is this?
Pajiba: My name is Dustin Rowles. I’m an entertainment writer for a site called Pajiba.com.
Bana: OK, Dustin. Do you know that it’s 7 a.m. in Australia?
Pajiba: I apologize. I do, but this is when the studio publicists asked me to call.
Bana: Oh yeah? OK, then. Sorry, mate. What’s this about?
Pajiba: Uh, it’s about the movie you have opening in the United States today.
Bana: I have a movie opening in the United States today?
Pajiba: Yes. It’s called Closed Circuit.
Bana: I don’t think so.
Pajiba: Um, what do you mean?
Bana: I mean, I’ve never heard of that movie.
Pajiba: But you are in it?
Bana: No. I don’t think so, mate.
Pajiba: Yes, I’m sure of it. I’ve seen it. You and Rebecca Hall star in it.
Bana: The actress from The Town?
Bana: I like her. She’s very good, but I’ve never met her before.
Pajiba: Actually, you made out with her a number of times in this movie.
Bana: I think I’d remember that.
Pajiba: I would think so, too.
Bana: I think you’ve got the wrong guy.
Pajiba: No, sir. I’m sure it was you. I just saw the movie.
Bana: I don’t know what to tell you, mate. What’s this movie about?
Pajiba: You and Rebecca Hall play British lawyers working independently with the same client, who has been accused of a terrorist attack that killed 120 people.
Pajiba: Only because of the way the British legal system is set up, your and Hall’s character are not allowed to speak to each other. She is privy to certain evidence that is only revealed during a closed court proceedings, while you play the defense attorney responsible for the open court proceedings.
Bana: Sounds unreasonably convoluted.
Pajiba: It kind of is. Anyway, you and Hall’s character — who have a past romantic relationship together — uncover a huge conspiracy that could basically destroy the British government.
Bana: Sorry, mate. That’s not ringing any bells. Is it any good?
Pajiba: Well, that’s the thing. It’s neither good nor bad, really. There are no moments bad enough in the film to leave an impression, and nothing good enough in the movie to stick with you. In fact, I saw it this morning and completely forgot that I’d done so, and returned again tonight to see it for what I thought was the first time. It was only the overwhelming sense of deja vu that tipped me off to the fact that I was watching it again, which I was only able to confirm when I saw a second ticket stub in my pocket.
Bana: Wow, mate. That doesn’t sound very pleasant.
Pajiba: That’s the thing, though. It wasn’t unpleasant, either. It was just really forgettable.
Bana: Sounds like the last few years of my career.
Pajiba: Ha ha! But what about Hanna?
Bana: Oh, the movie with Saoirse Ronan? She was very good.
Pajiba: She was!
Bana: I don’t remember much about my role, to be honest. But that Chemical Brothers soundtrack was bloody outstanding.
Pajiba: It really was!
Bana: I’m sorry, what we’re we talking about?
Pajiba: Closed Circuit.
Bana: Oh right. Yeah, never heard of it.
Pajiba: It’s just so strange because you were the lead in the film.
Bana: I wish I could help you out, brother. What was the name of your outfit again?
Bana: How do you spell that?
Bana: I think you’re pronouncing it wrong, mate.
Pajiba: No, no. I’m sure of it. It’s my word.
Bana: Well, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, mate, but you’re pronouncing your own word wrong.
Pajiba: No, I’m not.
Bana: Agree to disagree?
Pajiba: Sure. But can you tell us anything about Closed Circuit?
Bana: I’d really like to help you out, but this is the first I’ve ever heard of it. You say it’s opening in America this weekend?
Bana: One of those token releases after the film is released VOD?
Pajiba: No, actually, It’s being released on 870 screens, although I have to admit, I’d never heard of it, either, until I went to see it. Twice.
Bana: Is it doing well at the American box office?
Pajiba: I wouldn’t count on that. I was actually the only person in the screening I remember attending.
Bana: Yikes. Then again, it must be nice to have the movie theater to yourself. You can text your pals and the like.
Pajiba: Well, yeah. But I was also supposed to be reviewing Closed Circuit.
Bana: Doesn’t really sound worth it to me, mate. Forgettable movie that no one is watching, allegedly starring a guy who doesn’t even remember being in the film.
Pajiba: I see your point.
Bana: It’s Labor Day weekend there, right?
Pajiba: It is.
Bana: Why don’t you just advise your readers to do something better with their time this weekend?
Pajiba: Yeah, good advice. Hey, before I let you go, though, can I ask you one last question?
Pajiba: What do you think of Ben Affleck as Batman?
Bana: Ben Affleck is directing Batman? If he’s looking for someone for the lead, I think I’d be a pretty good fit.
Pajiba: No, no. He’s playing Batman. Zack Snyder is directing.
Bana: Huh, that’s a weird call. I like my idea better.
Pajiba: Come to think of it, so do I. Well, it’s good talking to you, Mr. Bana. Good luck with Closed Circuit.
Bana: Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, mate. Goodbye then.