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Does Bradley Cooper Not Know He's Bradley Cooper? I Mean He Could Be Having Sex with Attractive Women

By Pinky McLadybits | Eloquent Eloquence | January 10, 2011 |

By Pinky McLadybits | Eloquent Eloquence | January 10, 2011 |

This week we had Pajibans straining to think of movies that sound like someone making a poopy, Tracer Bullet starting a dialogue about removing a certain word from a Mark Twain classic, more lists, and the possibility that Dustin may have transferred his Ryan Reynolds Love to Ryan Gosling, AKA Baby Goose. Diverse doesn’t begin to cover this site.

It was difficult to choose ten comments this week. Once I chose the ten, I kept rearranging the order and stuff over and over again. It was tough work, y’all. TOUGH.

Anyway, here you go!

10 -About the 10 Most Scathing Reviews of 2010

“Pajiba is our Sun, and these reviews are the incredibly hot centre.” - OldSchool60

[This is so true. Someone, Skitz, *cough, cough*, should make a t-shirt with that on it. It could have, like, those words on it and some kind of illustrations or something. I don’t know or I’d make it myself.]

9 - Concerning G.I. Joe sequel news:

“At least for the sequel, we will know how awful the first movie was and knowing is half the battle.” - ForbiddenDonut

[Was anyone else upset when they finished watching that G.I. Joe movie because they forgot to have one of the Joes show up in a junior school bathroom and tell some pre-teen boys that smoking is bad? Just me? Pfft. Whatever.]

8 - Upon learning that Snooki had “written” a “book”:

“If you gaze into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.” Neitzsche saw this day coming.” - SuburbanHermit

“Dude, this is what scares the abyss.” - dahlia6

[The abyss is kind of a puss, but a good guy overall. You can’t really blame him for being scared of Snooki and her Poof of Doom.]

7 - “True story: Natalie Portman once tumbled down the stairs of a tall tower, and when her head finally hit the pavement at the bottom it cracked the foundation which caused the building to start sinking into the earth. It’s in Italy somewhere; I don’t remember the details.

Did you guys know that Natalie Portman wanted to become an astronaut, but they were worried that the gravitational pull of her skull would throw off the tides? That’s a true story too.

I heard that Natalie Portman is an orphan because when she was born her mother was literally ripped in two. Isn’t that fact tragic?

I heard she’s dating Megamind.” - superasente

[ “I’m not kidding, that gal’s head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Now that was offside, wasn’t it? She’ll be crying herself to sleep tonight, on her huge pillow.”]

6 - Concerning people arguing about beliefs and religions in the Scientology thread:

“No, no, this is what we want!
If we let them go on long enough, maybe they’ll die of exhaustion and the rest of us can get back to talking of other things; like shoes and ships and sealing wax, or cabbages and kings.” - Jim Doggie
“shoes: serve a function in society
ships: Overrated
sealing wax: stopped halfway through, never had the desire to revisit
cabbages: LOVE
kings: meh” - becks

[Blech, I HATE cabbages. Well, unless it is fried up in butter or whatever my Grandma uses. Then it is so tasty. I’ve never really thought about sealing wax. I’ve had a sheltered life I suppose.]

5 - “And stay away from old ladies with promises of snacks and warm beds.”

“And what?, Like, get a job?
Fuck that.” - Groundloop

[Fuck that indeed.]

4 -“So, is Dick Slangin’ supposed to be a more herpefied version The Helicopter? Because I love The Helicopter. It makes me squeal with glee every time. This, however, does nothing for me. It just reminds me of that unfortunate time when I asked my husband to slap me in the face with Mr. Pepe, and he did, and I almost got a black eye.” - Dingles

[This story is wonderful. I’m glad that The Husband and I aren’t the only ones sustaining injuries while kinkin’ up the marital bed. And since you were all wondering, The Husband has his own dance that cracks me up. We call it the Tea Bag Dance. Use your imaginations. Rawr.]

3 - “Does Bradley Cooper not know he’s Bradley Cooper? I mean he could be having sex with attractive women.” - logan

“Attractive emus, you meant to say. And the odd ostrich for variation.Odd Ostrich Variation would be an awesome indie band name.” - Ian

[The Bradley Cooper/emu comparison never gets old, just like Charming Potato is always funny. Of course, Cooper is an EILF. I’d just have to make sure that I didn’t spook him during sex, causing him to kick me in the chest or something.]

2 - The problem is, however, that religious belief engenders in many of its faithful a sense of righteousness, and self-righteousness, that leads to agressive proselytizing and fanatical intolerance for the views of non-believers, or the faithful of other sects and religions.

“That never happens to people without religion. It’s why I was so sad to leave behind my utopian life in the Soviet Union, where nobody was ever self-righteous about anything and nobody was intolerant of anyone else.” - Nat Kittyface

[Man, that Scientology thread got out of hand real fast. I didn’t even know the post existed until there were damn near 80 comments. But I read it anyway. Because I’m great. As is this comment.]

1 - “Millions of single women rent apartments each year”.

“As opposed to what? Fortify themselves within a scrap metal enclosure defended by ballistae and rudimentary flameworthers in the middle of Central Park? Should they recycle used high school football pads and packing materials to arm themselves against vagrant, roving packs of assless-chap clad, sweaty, puffed-up men-a-rapin’?
Maybe then Hillary Swank could rise up and lead the beleaguered denizens of said besieged enclosure, and lead them to a better land.
She could be..The BRoad Warrior…” - D-Day

[I cackled so hard at this. Several times. That’s why D-Day is the big winner. Congratulations to him! This week’s prize is a Sense of Accomplishment and an Enhanced Feeling of Self-Worth! Use it wisely.]

Pinky McLadybits likes to wear pajamas instead of real clothes. She thinks John Krasinski should be hers and keeps him at the top of her Official Five Freebies List. You can read her blog at Pinky McLadybits Has A Blog.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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