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Yesterday's 'Zoom Dick' Is Today's #MeToobin

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | October 20, 2020 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | October 20, 2020 |


Yesterday, Jeffrey Toobin was suspended from his position at the New Yorker (and he’s taking some “time off” from CNN) because he got caught jerking off to a “second window” during a Zoom call with his co-workers.

Toobin suffered a round of social-media humiliation for the episode yesterday, but today, thank god, people are coming to his defense and birthing the #MeToobin movement:

Thank you, Twitter, because who is going to stand up for the middle-aged white guy if not us?! We must protect this man who had an affair with his co-worker’s daughter, impregnated her, tried to force her to have an abortion, and then forced her to take him to court before he would provide support for the child despite the fact that their affair lasted for a decade.

But seriously: We’re a messy, complicated species. Affairs happen. Pregnancies happen. People masturbate. There’s nothing inherently wrong with any of that. Masturbating during a Zoom call with your colleagues during an important election simulation call, however, is not really OK! The fact that Toobin thought they couldn’t see him doesn’t make it OK! If Toobin was in the office and jerking off under his desk in a way that his colleagues could not see, that wouldn’t be OK, either.

At the very least, a suspension and a little mockery seems warranted. To wit:

I’m not going to show it, but O.J. Simpson also made a joke at Toobin’s expense, but this is the only thing worth mentioning in that regard:

But also, seriously:

Toobin is going to be fine, just like Richard Quest — the CNN anchor discovered in Central Park in 2008 with meth in his pocket and a rope wrapped around his neck and his genitals — is doing just fine today. Everyone loves second chances and comeback stories (as long as wealthy white men are making the comebacks).

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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