When the Jokes Stop: Kanye West's Abuse of Kim Kardashian

By Nate Parker | Celebrity | February 16, 2022 |

By Nate Parker | Celebrity | February 16, 2022 |

CW: domestic and relationship violence

Kanye West is abusing Kim Kardashian.

Yesterday, after days of posting private messages from Kim and Pete Davidson on Instagram, Kanye’s PR team wised up and wiped his account of all the evidence. This message was posted, purportedly by Kanye, during the process.

The media ate it up.

But whatever news you read today about Kanye’s behavior, let’s be clear about one thing: it’s abuse. It is emotional abuse. Kanye told his million followers that Kim has tried to keep him from his children out of petty malice despite his obvious emotional instability. He put their marital issues out there for all the world to see. It is digital abuse. He shared private conversations with his ex and told his fans to publicly berate and scream at Pete Davidson like Kanye is Henry II and Pete’s a turbulent priest. Experts can argue whether Kanye’s behavior meets the legal standards for stalking abuse, but constantly harassing your ex online, broadcasting her private messages, and doing your best to intimidate both her and her new partner meets my standard if nothing else. Worse, Kanye is not only enabled but actually encouraged by his entourage and fans to continue his abusive behavior.

Between his abusive outbursts, Kanye made extravagant, public gestures to win Kim back.

Following break up with Julia Fox, Kanye West sends Kim Kardashian a truck full of roses. pic.twitter.com/At5TYgD31L

— Pop Base (@PopBase) February 14, 2022

There is a pattern to relationship abuse. When things are good, when the relationship and life are relatively stable, the abuser is charming. He (usually but not always a he) demonstrates how much he adores his partner. He buys her things, helps out with the kids, maybe even does some housework. He is attentive and caring, and his partner is often lulled into a false sense of security. Perhaps the abuse hasn’t started yet. Perhaps they’ve ignored the warning signs. But this honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. Tensions build. Financial issues, stubborn kids, arguments over dinner, and whose turn it is to wash dishes. If we’re talking about exes, perhaps the victim begins dating someone new. Whatever the excuses the abuser requires for his behavior, the pressure builds until they explode. They lash out at their partner, their ex, or their children. Oftentimes that abuse is emotional and comes in the form of gaslighting, insults, intimidation, threats of physical violence or self-harm, isolation from friends and family, and financial restrictions. Other times it ends in violence. A smashed car or other possessions. Physical abuse of their partner or abuse of the children. If it’s a hostile ex, they may take out their resentments on their own current partner by striking them as well. Regardless of the form of the abuse, it continues until the perpetrator has exhausted their current rage. They tell the victim it’s their own fault, that they drove the abuser to such extremes. Now, they are sorry. The honeymoon phase begins again. Flowers, gifts, pampering, apologies. And the cycle continues.

Kanye West considers himself a genius. Many fans share that belief. But in his abuse of Kim, he could not be more common. He’s no different than any spouse beater. His honeymoon behavior is more extravagant thanks to his wealth and celebrity, and since his physical access to Kim and the kids is strictly limited, his frustration and violence is mostly limited to online outbursts — so far. But by putting his conflicts with Kim online and encouraging his fans to publicly confront Pete Davidson, he is quickly approaching a point of no return where violence becomes inevitable. I assume that’s why his team finally took control of his Instagram. They’re covering Kanye’s ass should the worst happen.

Kanye’s public breakdown over the last few years is superficially reminiscent of Britney Spears’s battle for emotional stability and autonomy, in that both have displayed extremely erratic behavior. The differences are crucial, however. Britney is a survivor of economic abuse and isolation by her father and a biased legal system. Kanye’s autonomy has been absolute, with seemingly no input from his PR team or a therapist. The alternative, that his behavior is being restrained by someone on his payroll, is more disturbing to contemplate. Britney was hospitalized against her will several times; Kanye, for whom the term “5150” was coined, remains free to continue his cycle of abuse with no indication that the law, the medical community, or his team will make him get help.

In 2007 Craig Ferguson made a heartfelt appeal on The Late, Late Show to the media and American society to treat Britney Spears with empathy and compassion because he recognized the similarities between their struggles with sobriety and emotional stability.

That monologue has stuck with me for 15 years. It’s made me check some of my instinctual reaction to respond to uncomfortable situations with inappropriate humor. Not always. For a long time, I laughed off Kanye’s behavior. Between his self-obsession, god complex, and astronaut shoes he was an easy target. It felt like punching up. My distaste for the Kardashian family and their reality television empire, a bane of American society, made it easier. But my feelings about the Kardashians are irrelevant. Kim Kardashian is being abused. No one deserves that. Julia Fox was smart to cut ties when she did because I’ve no doubt his behavior towards her would inevitably become abusive if it hadn’t already.

Regardless of any polished statements released by his press agents, Kanye West is an abuser. That won’t change without a serious, heartfelt commitment to therapy and probably medication. To be clear, I’m not saying Kanye is abusive because he’s mentally ill. The majority of mentally ill people abuse no one; the majority of abusers are “healthy” by today’s standards. But Kanye’s instability is obvious. The man needs help. He also requires actual accountability from society and himself. He needs to accept responsibility for his behavior. He needs to stop blaming Kim and the world for his failures. His followers encourage his bad behavior, but he is the only one who can change it. There are many things about Kanye West we can laugh off or excuse. His abuse of Kim Kardashian is not one of them.