Here’s a little known fact: there are multiple Kate Hudsons in the world (shocking, I know.) Although there is only one Kate Hudson in Hollywood. That’s because Katy Perry, whose real name is, you guessed it, Katheryn “Kate” Hudson, had to change hers because the other Kate Hudson got there first.
Look, I’m going to admit my bias when it comes to best Kate Hudson and say that obviously we all know who I believe to be the best Kate. She’s witty, charming, and knows what’s up:
Going to the gym and watching Desperately Seeking Susan on the couch is the same thing, right?— Kate Hudson (@HudsonKate) February 10, 2019
Is that true for everyone? I don’t know, but I know it’s not true for Jennifer Aniston even though I am Pajiba’s leading (and probably only) Anistonologist. How do I know this? Well, Kate Hudson and Katy Perry were both invited to Aniston’s 50th birthday party, and I was not. WTF, Jen?
Anyway, even though Aniston may have hit her cap on Kate Hudsons at her party (I like to think I was next on the list, but she knew that three Kate Hudsons in one room would be too much awesome for anyone to behold, and everyone’s face would melt like in Raiders of the Lost Ark) there’s clearly a pecking order, with the other Kate Hudson ranking about Katy Perry.
How do I know this? She got permission to post a pic of her, Jennifer Aniston, and GOOP, and Katy Perry didn’t.
Look, no one likes to feel left out, and it’s a little known fact that all Kate Hudsons are constantly jockeying to be the Kate Hudson, so I do not begrudge Katy Perry shooting her shot to try to take other Kate Hudson down a peg by telling her that no pics of the party were allowed on social media. After all, they were both invited to Jen’s birthday party, weren’t they?
What makes that Kate Hudson more worthy of posting pics with their mutual friend Jennifer Aniston, than Katy Perry?
Katy Perry unfortunately didn’t realize she was dealing with an apex Kate Hudson, though, because Kate did not come to play. Quickly shooting Katy down, publicly, and peeing all over her digital space. This round must be awarded to Kate Hudson.
So what’s Katy Perry to do? I mean, to me, the answer is obvious. As much as I am loath to help another Kate Hudson, who is not me, move up in their rankings, especially with Jennifer Aniston, the enemy of my enemy is my friend so I’m going to lay out a foolproof game plan for Hudson-Perry.
She needs to remake “That’s What Friends are For” and invite both GOOP and Aniston (aka the ladies in the picture with that Hudson) to guest track on it. Genius, right?
That’s not all, folks. The next part of the plan will be a bit tricky, but very much worth it. Katy needs to ensure that the song is on the soundtrack to the next Goldie Hawn movie. Don’t ask me how she’ll do it, but where there’s a Kate Hudson’s will, there’s a way.
Obviously that Kate Hudson won’t take this lying down and will have to do a movie with Russell Brand and Orlando Bloom as Hudson’s love interests, but I hope by that time, I will have made in-roads with Aniston and what Perry and the other Hudson do will no longer be of my concern—I will be the top Kate Hudson in Aniston’s heart.
The good news is, when I’m top Kate Hudson, I will abolish all Hudson rankings and broker a peace between us all. From then on out we will live in harmony, and celebrate Jennifer Aniston’s birthday, collectively, in peace and prosperity. Until that day though?
Header Image Source: Kate Hudson Instagram/ KH Instagram via Comments by Celebs