Old School. Biblically Independent.
By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | May 4, 2026
I’ve given up doomscrolling. I don’t think I’ve posted to social media since February. Twitter is dead. Bluesky is toxic. Threads is boring Instagram and Instagram, for me, is basically a continuous ad for Hoka. Even my Reddit is mostly polluted with an endless sea of depressing political news, annoying The Pitt fans, and a constant glut of The Secret Lives of Mormon Housewives.
Where is the fun, people?
Enter Mr. Fantasy.
Maybe the algorithm has already spit him at you and you scrolled past, because your brain registered “weird TikTok guy” and moved on. Fair. But I’m here to tell you that you that was a mistake.
KJ Apa — you know him as Archie Andrews from Riverdale, the show that spent seven seasons trying to lose you before Cheryl Blossom eventually melted a comet with her bare hands — showed up on TikTok in August 2025 as a mysterious British singer named Mr. Fantasy. Black bob wig. Fake teeth. Oversized sunglasses. Vintage clothing that screams “the long-missing Bee Gee brother trapped out of time.” The character is renting a room from a guy named Blaine. He’s trying to make it in Hollywood. He has a manager named John who, when Teen Vogue reached out for comment, clarified that he “does not know who this KJ Apa guy is” and that he “only represents Mr. Fantasy.”
Is it KJ Apa? Yes, it’s KJ Apa. But, like, KJ Apa hopped up on erectile dysfunction drugs and too much Fun Dip (his Spotify bio reads: “My music is my beating reason. My raw heart, manifested into colorful sonic waves. My music is my smile, my long wet tongue, my thrusting hips.”) But Apa won’t admit it, which is part of the fun. When Entertainment Tonight asked him about the whole thing, he responded: “Listen, I’m a serious actor. I don’t know what that guy is. I don’t really have any respect for him, to be honest.”
The songs? They’re good. The sound lands somewhere between Jamiroquai, Daft Punk, and vintage disco — funky, synth-laden, genuinely, almost aggressively catchy. I can’t stop listening. His debut single hit the Viral 50 and cleared 9 million streams on Spotify. He performed at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in full pirate costume, gyrating wildly and climbing the rigging of the Jolly Polly Pirate Ship float while millions of holiday morning television viewers stared at their screens trying to figure out what the hell was happening to them.
His new video for “Do Me Right” — out last week — features Riverdale stars Camila Mendes, Madelaine Petsch, and Lili Reinhart, plus Dave Franco, Rob Lowe, Nick Jonas, Zoey Deutch, Kiernan Shipka, Patrick Schwarzenegger, Frank Grillo, and that character actor from Justified who doesn’t kiss women onscreen anymore because he thinks it’s cheating on his wife. I don’t understand how KJ Apa convinced them all to appear.
This is what happens when you’ve spent seven seasons being Archie Andrews and someone introduces you to the Austin Powers costume shop. The whole thing has the energy of someone who’s been holding it in for a very long time and is now going to let it out on a parade float in a pirate costume in front of your grandmother, and there is nothing anyone can do to stop him.
I don’t know where the fun went. But I know where some of it is. It’s wearing a black bob wig and fake teeth, and he somehow retroactively justified my decision to watch all seven seasons of Riverdale.
