By now you’ve heard that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are pregnant, but I’m sure you’re wondering how this fits in to the master plan Harry and Meghan have for treasure hunting, Atlantis-finding, and musical theatre. To be honest, the decision to have a child threw me for a loop, because it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Having a baby strapped to you doesn’t make you any less of a man (duh), but it does make digging in the ground for buried treasure a bit hard.
It kept me awake at night, why this? Why now?!
Meghan, friends. The answer lies with Meghan.
Oh, you thought only Harry had all the schemes in the family? How very, very wrong you are.
Meghan, an American, has studied the Royals from afar for many years, and like us all, knows that good things must come to an end, eventually. Sure, the monarchy has lasted for a while…but how much longer will it be around?! Meghan is a very smart woman, and knows you always have a contingency. She also knows that Hollywood is still a viper’s nest, and that the older a woman gets, the less opportunities you have (One day I’ll tackle this, but not today, because I’m already tired just typing that sentence out.)
So, Hollywood isn’t an option—what else is out there?
Friends, have you ever heard of the Sunburst Beauty Pageant? It’s been discovering beautiful faces since 1978, as the slogan goes. Everyone knows when you need to make a quick buck, you go the child beauty pageant route. That goes double if you’re from LA, where we discuss the competition for Sunburst more than we discuss who’s going to win the Oscar for best cinematography.
Also, while Meghan obviously supports Harry’s side hustles, she clearly needs one of her own—and being a pageant mom and ensuring her child’s flipper is in so that they can “SMILE” for the judges is a worthy pastime for any parent (I’m assuming, I don’t have children. If I did, I wouldn’t like their chances against the Sussex’s child at Sunburst’s Regionals or Nationals. That kid is going to be very good looking.)
Is it all starting to make sense, now? The first child will compete in the beauty pageant circuit. The second child will be a bodybuilder, as they all are; and if there is a third child, that’s when it really starts to get interesting.
What’s more sustainable than youth beauty pageants, or child strongman competitions?
A touring musical act.
Yes, the ultimate goal is to go full on Partridge Family, to combine both Meghan and Harry’s interests in theatrics and performance (…and what’s a better cover to go looking for buried treasure than touring with your musical family act in a van, across the globe!?)
So if you’ve been wondering just what’s going on with Meghan and Harry, there you have it. No more sleepless nights for me, and I hope not you, either.
Also, in case you’re wondering, Harry and Meghan are still in Australia and look to be having a grand old time.
This has been a Pajiba Investigation, Saturday Edition.
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