If you’re a very successful movie star who just went through a very messy, public breakup you may want to take your time easing back into the dating pool, or not. I’m not your mom, live your best life!
If you’re Brad Pitt, that may take the form of smiling at a spiritual healer to the stars at a Red Hot Chili Pepper’s concert gala. If none of that sentence makes sense, congratulations, you’re not from L.A. and thus aren’t reading this from your phone while you’re stuck in gridlock traffic on the 405 South.
People.com, is of course, on the case, spinning an entire story based upon a one sentence observation, going so far as to tell us what Brad Pitt was wearing (still the same old newsboy cap he favors…) and whether or not he smiled (spoilers: he did!)
Brad Pitt was recently spotted sharing a laugh with a spiritual healer to the stars.
Of course the anonymous source said they’re not dating, but who knows?!
I do. I know.
They’re clearly not dating. I have it on good authority that Brad Pitt is going to the spiritual healer to help with a more pressing matter. Now, I’m under strict orders not to share what I know, but if you’re interested, I’d like to paint you a little picture in the proceeding paragraphs.
Consider this. You’re a successful Hollywood actor with an interest in architecture. You even buy a few houses, and found a nonprofit that builds solar powered homes and communities for people in need. So what happens when you buy land, or a home, on a property with an ancient curse?
You can’t call Ghostbusters (they won’t take his calls anymore, because they’re #TeamJolie) but you definitely need some help.
Well, maybe, just maybe, you reach out to your friend Flea, and ask for help with your property which you found out inadvertently is a portal to a hell dimension (where probably the Red Hot Chili Peppers are played on a loop, for eternity). Flea, having had a spiritual advisor on his staff for a recent Red Hot Chili Pepper’s tour (because of course they did), gives you her contact information, and tells you that she’ll be at the upcoming gala his band is throwing (ticket sales were probably low).
You shows up, consult with the healer, and find out that she’s dealt with many hell dimensions in her time (sort of part and parcel with touring with the Chili Peppers) and she resoundly tells you that she can help with your problem.
You’re relieved. You share a laugh. Your nightmare is almost over.
Of course, this is all conjecture, and the mainstream media would like us to believe that Pitt is dating this woman.
…but what’s the more likely scenario here? Dating, or hell dimension? You decide America.
Header Image Source: Getty