Somedays, People.com blesses you not with an inane story on a “celebrity” you couldn’t even pick out of a line up of one, but an amazing, whimsical headline that seems more like a writing prompt than a question. Today is that day, friends, when they asked the question the entire world maybe gave a moment’s thought to: “What Will Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton Wear to Princess Eugenie’s Royal Wedding?”
My friend, Nicola, is an English rose and also someone who watches the Royals closely. I reached out to get her thoughts, and she gave me (and thus you) the insider’s scoop: “The BBC refused to show the wedding as they were worried about viewing figures. Sadly, nobody overly cares.”
Wow, with excitement that high for the wedding of Eugenie (which fun fact, I was in the UK on Monday and one of the two tv presenters who will be covering this royal wedding was repeatedly told how to pronounce Eugenie’s name correctly and still couldn’t manage it, that’s how important this wedding is for EVERYONE) and Jack Brooksbank, how could we not spend the next few days debating what Kate and Meghan will wear?
I tried to get in touch with my psychic, but she was busy, so we’ll just have to guess the old-fashioned way. People believes that Meghan will wear Givenchy, and Kate, Alexander McQueen. Sure, they might, but at this point we have to believe that both are in Schrödinger’s Outfit—the possibility that they may not is just as likely (that’s how Schrödinger’s theory works, right? If not, I’m sure Chad will let me know in the comments if I’m way off base! Ideally with a comment that starts with “Actually…”)
So, supposing that People isn’t right in their guess, there’s myriad of options available to both, and here’s what I think are the most likely:
Meghan: A white robe, and a necklace made entirely of her detractor’s teeth.
Kate: A black hooded gown that covers her face, and a crown of red thorns; and when the hood is taken down, her mouth is permanently in a silent scream of horror, because that’s basically how all women feel in 2018.
Meghan & Kate: A two-piece lion costume, as the lion is on the Royal seal. They’ll flip a coin to see who gets to be the front piece and who is the back. Kate will win and be the front, but because she cheated. Somehow Meghan will steal the show with her tail game. Kate will not be pleased.
(Per Our Roxana)
Meghan & Kate: Stacked on top of each other, in an overly long trench-coat Bojack Horseman style. This will be because this particular Royal Wedding is on a budget, and Eugenie and Jack need to keep the headcount low.
Kate: Dressed in Jodie Whitaker’s Doctor costume, because she knows no one really cares about this event, and she finds the new Doctor charming.
Meghan: In a suit that she wore on her time in Suits. Meghan has an ironic sense of humor that tends towards the meta.
Meghan & Kate: In matching Gilead Handmaid’s Tale robes, this needs no explanation, because in 2018, the Royals are finally making a stand.
Until the actual wedding, which we’re all pretty sure is this Friday, but no one has bothered to look up when, exactly, all of these options are just as likely as Alexander McQueen and Givenchy. Personally, I hope I’m right, as it would make for a very interesting couple of minutes as I casually sipped my Diet Coke and went “huh, well that’s something new.” How about you?
Header Image Source: Getty