Look, there’s no denying it, sometimes I have to find other sources than my beloved People.com and today I unfortunately had to consult Us Weekly to understand what’s really going on in the world. Now, being solidly in camp Evans for #BestChris, I tend to ignore anything related to Chris Pine because I simply don’t trust a man who doesn’t look like he owns any socks, by his own choice. However, this headline was too attention grabbing to ignore: Chris Pine and Girlfriend Annabelle Wallis Show PDA at ‘I Am the Night’ Afterparty: They ‘Looked Very Cozy’
What does looking “very cozy” even mean? Honestly, the only time I ever really feel “cozy” is when I’m on my couch, in a blanket, with a hot drink by my side and Swedish death metal blaring from the speakers.
Unfortunately, Us Weekly would provide no details, and I wasn’t at this particular party on Tuesday night as I was too busy being cozy in my own home. Don’t believe me? Ask my neighbors, they only called the cops twice on me for blaring “Atoma” by Dark Tranquility!
Is it possible that Chris Pine brought a couch and Swedish death metal to this event? I mean, anything is possible, especially if you’re the type of person who wears loafers without socks, but somehow I doubt it. Another possibility to explore is that Wallis perhaps is part Danish, or has an affinity for Danish culture and thus takes the notion of “hygge” everywhere she goes. If that’s the case, then there was a translation error on Us Weekly’s part (they are no People, afterall.)
I mean, anything is possible, but is it probable? I don’t know—it’s most likely about as probable as Chris Pine owning a pair of socks, so you know, not at all.
No, friends, I think what this means is that Chris Pine and his lady friend were most likely being affectionate, and someone got a little too excited with the thesaurus. They were, alas, not “cozy” in the sense you and I define it, but merely close in proximity.
Although to be fair, it’s been cold lately, so maybe their proximity would lend to the warmth feeling I associate with cozy. I’m starting to suspect this entire thought experiment is an exercise in futility.
Anyways, the most important thing to remember about this entire situation is that even though Chris Pine was in Wonder Woman, Chris Evans is still Best Chris.
Header Image Source: Getty