Here’s a bagel bite that Katherine Schwarzenegger endeavored to microwave for her husband, Chris Pratt.
I have far too many thoughts on a relatively benign post in which Chris Pratt pokes fun at his wife because she doesn’t know how to operate a microwave, probably because she’s a Kennedy and never had occasion to use a microwave until she married someone from a background where bagel bites were probably consumed on the regular. I mean, it would also be easy to interpret this relatively benign Instagram post with my own Worst Chris filter: Is he joking about his wife’s inability to operate a microwave? Is he subtly shaming her for her privileged background?View this post on Instagram
Proud of my darling for trying to cook tonight. Did it go well? No. No it did not. Not at all. To quote Rocky Balboa, “It’s not how many times you get knocked down, it’s how many times you get up… and keep moving forward.” As you can tell from the lump of coal in the center of the plate, this bagel bite never stood a chance. I honestly simply cannot imagine what went wrong here. Pretty simple. Microwave. 2 minutes. Maybe she thought it said 2 hours. But I want to commend her for her effort. This is a big step babe. Proud of you.
I mean, first off, a bagel bite has never been heated up on a plate this nice, and second: Who just microwaves one bagel bite? If you’re going to make the effort to heat up a bagel bite, you obviously heat up at least five or six. But whatever: When Schwarzennegar brought this burnt bagel bite to Pratt, was his first thought, “Awww, honey. You have no idea how to do basic things, do you? Let’s post this to Instagram and show the world how sheltered you are but let’s do it under the guise of a joke post!”
But look: I’m not going to get into it, because doing so would fulfill all of Chris Pratt’s preconceived notions about people like us, “social justice warriors” and “radical leftists” who find unintended meaning in a silly, inconsequential Insta posted for the entire world to see and comment upon. Let’s just see the post for what it is: A husband’s good-natured ribbing of his newlywed wife, who lack basic life skills. Pratt just wants the world to know! That’s all! “My wife doesn’t know how to prepare processed, frozen foods, because she’s a Kennedy! Isn’t that adorable? But never forget that I’m a salt-of-the-earth hunter who reads his Bible and eats bagel bites, just like you!” Also, how much does a banana cost, Katherine?