Ryan Gosling and I have at least one thing in common, and I’m not going to make you scan through 200 words to find out what it is, I’ll get to the point. He, like I, have no desire to ever go to the moon.
In an interview with Space.com, while on the press circuit for his space-a-rama movie First Man, he made that fact about himself explicitly clear:
Gosling said that if he were given the opportunity to blast off on a mission to the moon, he would pass. “I had a great experience pretending to go there, and I’m happy with that,” he said.
I mean, sure, you could say that’s pretty rich for a guy who actively campaigned to live in Florida in his youth (going so far to live with Justin Timberlake, which is a fate most of us would probably try to avoid) and yet he’s going to pass on the moon. Maybe it’s his time in Florida that makes him want to pass, as surely he saw some things down there that would make him hesitant to ever leave the safe confines of the L.A. area ever again.
Who knows, but for me, I do not want to go to the moon for the following three reasons, which Gosling may or may not agree with:
1) Moon Madness.
Look. Humanity has only been to the moon six times. SIX times. I’m not saying there’s diseases that heretofore have been confined to the moon, and there’s potential for bringing them back…but there definitely are, and I for one do not want to be patient zero for moon madness. Doesn’t sound fun.
2) The World Irrevocably Changing While Up There.
I have a very irrational fear of subways, which applies to the moon as well. There’s a part of me that is convinced that even for the brief time I am underground, when I emerge, the world will have been irrevocably changed. I do not want to go to the moon and come back to find we’re now living in the Planet of the Apes times, even if it would be an improvement from the government we have now. No thank you, I’ll stay on the ground if you don’t mind!
3) Moon Beasties.
Duh. Do you want to get eaten by a giant moon spider, or captured by a lonely moon giant who just wants you to be their companion, and yet doesn’t understand that you need air to breathe and food to survive? That’s not a fate for me! I fully plan to meet my demise by (finally) mouthing off to the wrong biker gang at the ripe old age of 85, like my ancestors before me!
You know who’d be tentatively down for it, though? Claire Foy.
“Once they’ve done, you know, at least 4,000 trips, I’ll get on one.”
I guess for her, life is like what Tom Cochran said in that song that one time: a highway.
For me and Gosling? We’ll live our lives the Yankovic way: safely on the ground, most likely parodying those who dare to dream above us.
Header Image Source: Getty