We Should All Aspire to be Lori Loughlin and Her Crime Hat

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | July 16, 2019 |

By Kate Hudson | Celebrity | July 16, 2019 |

Yes, in case you were wondering, today is “Opposite Day” thus the headline. That means tomorrow is “Krazy Hair Day” so I expect to see your finest here, friends.

Anyway, Lori Loughlin has a crime hat. That sentence makes me laugh so I’m sharing it with you today.

Before we get to specifics, I have a bone to pick with this whole “Aunt Becky Goes to Jail” narrative the press is gleefully spinning. Lori Loughlin is only Aunt Becky to those of you who didn’t watch the 1987 classic Back to the Beach as much as I did growing up. Lori Loughlin may have played Aunt Becky, but she is Sandi, and always will be. Yet you don’t see any ever-timely Back to the Beach references when we talk about the fact she thought he could buy her daughters way into USC, got caught because she was really sloppy, and then refused to take a plea because she didn’t think she’d actually go to jail, do you?

That needs to change.

Don’t believe me? Watch this clip.

That movie is a trip. Yes, that is Fishbone.

Yes, Pee-wee Herman shows up and when his song is over, he flys away on a surfboard and everybody cheers. I’m pretty sure that band is Fishbone again.

One more for the road:

Yes. That’s Connie Stevens and the “I want my two dollars” paperboy from Better Off Dead, which is one of the top five movies of 1985, but is not the best.

Anyway, Jezebel was the first to point out that Lori Loughlin/Sandi (NOT Aunt Becky) tends to wear a floppy hat out in public lately, and has dubbed it her “crime hat.” I’m kind of angry and jealous I didn’t notice this before them.

Good crime hat, Aunt Becky https://t.co/gfe13Jhv6V pic.twitter.com/bspAaGDP1o

— Jezebel (@Jezebel) July 16, 2019

Now, you may think this crime hat is there so that she can blend in and try to go unnoticed (fun fact: those hats are all the rage in LA. I own five pairs myself) but I have another theory. See, I think that she’s setting the stage to do an old switcheroo (that’s the legal term) once she gets sent to prison. She’s getting us used to seeing her out and about in that hat, and then I suspect she’s going to try to send a scarecrow with that hat in as her proxy once it’s time to pay the piper.

If that’s her crime hat, it only makes sense that she’d designate that one to do the time. That’s just logic.

Will it work? I don’t know. Only time will tell. I do know that you should go watch Back to the Beach, though. That way, in the very least, we can stop referring to Lori Loughlin as Aunt Becky, and start referring to her as Sandi.