Lindsay Lohan May Be More Qualified Than Steve Bannon
Usually when anyone writes about or even mentions “Lindsay Lohan,” the overall majority reaction is a collective eyeroll. At least, that’s been the default reaction for the last few years. We know Lohan’s story to be a complicated, sometimes destructive one. There was a time when her acting performances were being lauded as effortless and Hollywood was keeping a rightfully watchful eye on her.
Then shit went sideways. Between 2007 and 2011, she was celebrity gossip sites’ favorite punching bag. She was an easy target if you consider her repeated attempts to stay in the public eye. During this time, she struggled with drugs and alcohol, with the end result being a combined stay of 250 days in five rehab facilities between January 2007 and 2012. Lohan has appeared in court 20 times, before four judges, who have found her in violation of her probation four times and sentenced her to six months in jail. Still, she spent less than two weeks behind bars in her six trips to the Los Angeles County jail. Oh, but wait, because of overcrowding in jail, she was released after only hours in all but one of those visits. Lohan did spend 35 days confined to her Venice, California, home and also served about 67 days of community service. Most of that time she was working at the LA County morgue.
With the exception of a few “whoa, what the fuck” moments, she’s been keeping it low key, as far as Lohan standards are concerned. Over the last year, a strange sort of metamorphosis has been unfolding and it’s been as vexing as fuck.
She has adopted a new accent a la Madonna/Gwyneth Paltrow, only worse somehow? She describes it as “a mixture of most of the languages I can understand or am trying to learn.”
Lohan told The Daily Mail, “I’ve been learning different languages since I was a child. I’m fluent in English and French, can understand Russian and am learning Turkish, Italian and Arabic.” If you can get past the self-ascribed #Lilohan accent (God, I hate myself for typing that out, but that’s what she refers to her accent as), the content of her interview is a bit more puzzling. She waxed poetic about her work with Syrian refugees and the transformative power of nightclubs, and at one point seemed to imply that the Lohan club could branch off into a string of spas and refugee camps.
This all came to a head when Lindsay Lohan came back to Instagram a few days ago after deleting all her old photos and content and replacing them with these three photos in their stead:
That’s Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan. Lohan captioned that photo with
What a dream it is for Mr. President Erdogan and The First Lady to invite me to their home. Their efforts in helping Syrian Refugees is truly inspiring #peace starts now @a_boynukalin @hilalkaplanogut @rterdogan please for peace @therealdonaldtrump Alaikum Salam #cleanslate2017 #theworldisbiggerthan5
The hashtag “#theworldisbiggerthan5” was coined by President Erdogan’s belief that permanent membership of the UN Security Council should be expanded beyond its current five states—China, France, Russia, the United Kingdom, and the United States—presumably to include Turkey. Over the last year and a half, Lohan supported for Erdogan’s AKP party, as well as his belief in restructuring the Security Council. She has praised how the Turkish president handled an attempted coup this year that left 300 people killed and more than 2,100 injured. Lohan commented, “Erdogan did really well and his people, really admiring and respecting him, as the first elected president. This is a big deal.” You’ve got to hand it to Lohan. She has been far more vocal and visible over the last 2 years when it comes to international politics. To her credit, unlike certain American politicians, Lindsay knows what Aleppo is. In fact, she’s journeyed to Turkish camps and hospitals that house refugees from the ISIS-ravaged city. Lohan’s visits with refugees have been well-documented; she had previously shared pictures on her Instagram of her playing with refugee children.
Look, I know all of this seems like a desperate grab for attention given the current climate. But let’s face it, when you have a President* who said this about Lohan WHEN SHE WAS 18 only to have a bunch of Australian radio hosts rehash this quote recently:
She’s probably deeply troubled and therefore great in bed. How come the deeply troubled women, you know, deeply, deeply troubled, they’re always the best in bed?
And Lohan responds
I wish him the best. We live in a world of societies that consistently fault in people…taking someone else down is never the answer and I think we all know that.
I’m siding with Lohan in this instance when it comes to dealing with Trump. 2017 is a strange year.