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Vile New York Post Critic Hates Hotness

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | August 6, 2013 |

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | August 6, 2013 |

So, remember that time the odious Rex Reed was supposed to review a movie but instead posted a thousand words on how fat people are gross? Most of us read that and thought, “wow, what a butthole.” The New York Post’s Kyle Smith apparently read that and thought, “gee, ma. When will I get to eviscerate a woman for existing at a certain age or body type, under the auspices of an actual movie review? *sigh*” and then he started singing “Somewhere Out There” while dreamily staring out his window.

Well, little Kyle’s big somewhere out there finally arrived—in the form of a half-naked Jennifer Aniston.

“As for Aniston’s much-hyped stripping routine (down to her undies), which befuddles a fierce drug dealer who has apparently never seen boobies before, it’s as sad as her hula dance in “Just Go With It.” For young actresses to disrobe in exchange for attention is tradition. For 44-year-olds, it’s desperation.”

*cracks knuckles* OK, fuckmunch. Where to begin?

I feel as though attempting to explain to this bottom-feeding human hemorrhoid the novel concept that women don’t just disrobe in movies for his attention would simply confuse him, leaving me standing here with a drooling husk of a man with a solid partial and a head full of questions. So, I will instead ask one of my own: at what point does a scantily-clad woman go from super-hot, awesome “tradition” to tragically desperate? I mean, I don’t have the answer but I so deeply appreciate his exhaustive exploration and explanation of his hypothesis, replete with additional observations of her performance and—nope, wait, that’s all he says. His only called out, performance-specific statement regarding an actor amounted to old lady makes his brain place have a sad.

This is not the takeaway here, nor should it be, but LOOK AT THAT HEADER. She is 44 years old. If I looked like that, I’d be always stripping. And if being an unreally attractive woman in her forties equals desperation, then color us all desperate to be desperate.

Fuck you, you awful man. Shake what you’ve got, Jen. You should be proud.