Recently, it was announced that Kim, Kourtney and Khloé (the accent aigu is incredibly important because otherwise you might think her some mere commoner who spells her name a more run-of-the-mill idiotically) would be “writing” a “novel” because apparently words like that are just thrown around and used to describe lots of things these days.
According to THR, the book is described as such:
…the story of “three gorgeous celebrity sisters, their complicated relationships with Hollywood, each other and the glamorous lives they lead in front of the cameras and behind the scenes.” On their website, the sisters added, “You’ll have to decide for yourself which story lines are true to life and which ones we dreamed up. LOL.”
I’m going to throw the fuck up.
Anyway, yesterday, the three dipshits of Eastwick announced the title of this shitshow, a title decided by a fan contest. The winning fan receives a cameo in the book, because all of this is how real writers do things. The title is going to be Dollhouse. Riveting. Will it further tell the tale of Kim Kardashian’s incredibly private battle with psoriasis? Only time will tell.
Here’s the cover. Their last name is larger than the title, which is helpful to the people who will buy this book, because we don’t want them busting a vessel just trying to get through the cover alone.
I don’t know how to stress my title enough. Anyone. They’re letting anyone do this. Those of us who’ve poured our souls onto the page for years to complete our masterpiece manuscript, now, we’re another story. They probably won’t let us do this. BUT, if we were just mildly more illiterate, vapid and orange-er, we’d probably have a shot.
Oh, you don’t believe me? Let’s examine.
Lauren Conrad, star of “Laguna Beach” and “The Hills” - 3 novels, all NYT bestsellers.
Kendra Wilkinson, “Girls Next Door” and “Kendra” - an autobiography Sliding Into Home. An NYT bestseller.
Snooki - a novel, A Shore Thing. An NYT bestseller.
Nicole Richie - two novels, both NYT bestsellers.
JWoww - a life manual (?) The Rules According to JWOWW: Shore-Tested Secrets on Landing a Mint Guy, Staying Fresh to Death, and Kicking the Competition to the Curb. Made LA Times bestseller list.
The Situation - a life manual (??) Here’s the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore. Finally, not a bestseller. Also, he and Ms. Woww received the same title template.
Paris Hilton - an autiobiography-type thing, Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose. Not only did it make the NYT bestseller list, but it went on to sell almost 9 million copies.
Shall I ready the group death fruit cake? I put raisins in it. You like raisins.