The Rock Rescued His Dogs From Drowning, While Johnny Depp Maybe Ate His

Remember when Johnny Depp ignored the strict quarantine laws of Australia, causing the nation to threaten not only to prosecute Depp but also to put down his stowaway Yorkshire terriers, Pistol and Boo? Well, with Depp promoting his new Whitey Bulger biopic Black Mass, reporters asked at a press conference how the pooches are doing, having escaped Oz unscathed.

As hilarious as he was in Mordecai, Depp responded:

“I killed my dogs and ate them under direct orders from some kind of, I don’t know, sweaty, big-gutted man from Australia.”

Here’s video of Depp’s improvisational antics:

H/T NY Daily News

Even less hilarious, Depp’s 29-year-old wife Amber Heard has taken the blame for the dog smuggling and could face up to ten years in prison. I mean, she won’t because being married to Johnny Depp includes perks beyond access to his private island and extensive scarf, hat and bangles collection. But still.

In other/better celebrity pet news, Dwayne Johnson celebrated Labor Day by treating himself to a pair of adorable French Bulldog puppies, Brutus and Hobbs. When he let them loose to check out their new home, they shot straight to the pool. Hobbs, like his Fast and Furious 6 inspiration, handled the new experience like a pro, doggy paddling with ease. On the other paw, Brutus sinks “like a brick.” But the Rock rushed to the rescue, destroying his cell phone in the process.

Here’s his account of the whole ordeal as well as a pic of the rescued pups so cute I think my heart just caved in.

Here's a fun Labor Day weekend story… We just decided to add two new members to our Johnson family. Baby French Bulldogs. In my right hand is BRUTUS and in my left hand is HOBBS. Bring them home and immediately take them outside so they can start learning how to "handle their business and potty like big boys". I set them both down and they both take off in a full sprint and fall right into the deep end of our pool. HOBBS immediately starts doggy paddling while BRUTUS (like a brick) sink heads first to the bottom of the pool. I take off into a full sprint, fully clothed, dive in the pool, swim to the bottom, rescue my brick, I mean BRUTUS and bring him back to the edge of the pool. He was a little delirious.. took a moment, threw up all the water he swallowed and looked up at me as if to say, "Thank God you didn't have to give me mouth to mouth!" and then ran off to play with his brother. A few lessons I've learned today.. A) Not all puppies have the instinct to doggie paddle. B) Some puppies (like BRUTUS) will be so in shock by experiencing water they will sink extremely fast so react quick. C) While spiriting to save your puppies life, before you dive in, try and throw your cel phone to safety. Don't keep it in your pocket… like I did. #BRUTUSLives #HOBBSCanSwim #MyCelPhonesDead #AndNoMouthToMouthNeeded #HappyLaborDay

A photo posted by therock (@therock) on Sep 7, 2015 at 3:35pm PDT

Not that being a celebrity pet owner is a competition. But if it was, we all know who won this round.

Kristy Puchko sees his choice of French Bulldogs as further proof she and the Rock are destined to be best friends.