NBC's (Terrible) Fall Line-Up

By Emily Cutler | Guides | September 8, 2015 |

By Emily Cutler | Guides | September 8, 2015 |

Oh, NBC. How did you fall so far so fast? Don’t you remember how just a few years ago, you had the best comedies on TV? Parks and Rec, Community, 30 Rock, even The Office (prior to season 5)? Back before you went for “broader” shows? To quote the worst doctor/ not- doctor on TV, how’s that working out for you?

I used to watch almost every comedy you put out. I even gave The Michael J. Fox Show a fair shake. But after Parks and Rec ended earlier this year for the first time since 1994, I won’t be watching a single show on your network. Let’s take a look at why.

Returning Shows
These have all failed to impress me before so I can’t imagine they’ll begin to impress me now. I, by and large, don’t care for reality TV or weekly procedurals so your new emphasis on those has completely lost me.

The Blacklist (Admittedly, James Spader is delightful, but the rest of this show is terrible.)
Chicago Fire
Chicago P.D.
Grimm
Law & Order: SVU
The Mysteries of Laura
Undateable (Why would you make your shows name so close to “Unwatchable”?)
The Voice
Dateline
The Biggest Loser
The Celebrity Apprentice (Possibly not returning. Since Trump has to be an asshole/ say a bunch of racist bullshit/ run for president or whatever.)

New Shows
The returning shows have already had a chance to unimpress me. But the new shows? They need to make sure I don’t want to tune in with only a 30 second clip. Let’s see how successful they were.

Blindspot - “Let’s take The Bourne Identity, remove all of the danger, and add the implicit protection/ resources of a government agency. Riveting stuff.”

The Player - I’m not entirely sure what the plot of this show actually is. Wesley Snipes is betting on crime, there’s some guy who is avenging his dead wife, there’s a British woman. It’s like the writers threw every plot device they could think of into the pilot planning on it being thinned out later. Then NBC loved the “complexity” of it, and we’re stuck with an incoherent mess. Just keep your bingo cards close. When they introduce the young, rebellious hacker, everybody wins.

Chicago Med - Which means we should all be looking for Chicago Public Library coming 2016.

Heros Reborn - Nope.

Best Time Ever with Neil Patrick Harris - If Betty White weren’t charming enough to make me watch a practical joke show, NPH won’t be either.

Truth Be Told - Sorry, Zack Morris, but you won’t be tricking me into watching this one. (Although in my defense, Franklin and Bash had some legitimately funny moments. Sort of.) If you can fit an entire episode’s plot and “funny” moments into a 2 minute preview, you’ve got a bad show. If you do fit an entire episode’s plot and “funny” moments into 2 minutes and call it a preview instead of a-last-ditch-effort-to-get-you-to-watch-based-solely-on-the-charm-of-the-actors,you’ve got a terrible show.

And those are just the shows with premier dates and trailers. Everything else is broad comedies, another medical drama, a couple of “weird” hour long dramas, hidden camera show, and … a Jennifer Lopez cop drama?! How is this not news at all? How is she not even in the shows campaign images?

Really nailing it with the marketing there, NBC.

The only real stand out is You, Me, And the End of the World which cashes in on the apocalypse fad only two years too late. It follows an eclectic group as they prepare for an impending comet strike and the end of the world. Here’s the thing though: the hour long dramedy stars Rob Lowe, Jenna Fischer and Megan Mullally. You’ve got a show with three of the biggest stars from three of the biggest comedies on your network from the past 15 years, and it’s not on the starting line-up? And one of those stars is in a different comedy on a totally different network? Exactly how little faith do you have in your shows that what seems to be the only one in keeping with the tone of your successful shows isn’t being groomed as the gem in your line-up? Is it because you’re putting on what’s basically a real life version of America’s Kidz Got Singing?

Hey, NBC?