Listen: Last week, some sh*t went down, when we learned that Bruce Willis — the star of 47 Die Hard movies and also Cop Out — had shacked up apparently for the duration of the lockdown with his ex-wife, Demi Moore, and their three daughters, Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah. The family — plus what appears to be the boyfriends of some of the daughters — had all made a very nice home for each other, and they were sharing Instagram photos of what a lovely time they were having in their pajamas and cutting each others’ hair.
More recently, they’ve even started their own, uh, book club, where they all apparently ordered a copy of Laura Day’s How to Rule the World from Your Couch, presumably for this Instagram gag:
Again, however, it hasn’t gone unnoticed that Bruce Willis’ wife, Emma Heming Willis, and their two daughters, 5 and 8, are not among them, although in a recent Instagram photo, Emma chimed in on the comments of one Instagram post, regarding the “family bonding time.”
“At its finest 💚💚💚 love and miss you guys 💚💚💚,” Emma said.
Why isn’t Emma with them? Why isn’t Bruce Willis with his current wife and children? Why is Emma doing all the work of raising their daughters alone during a pandemic? Why is Bruce Willis instead burdening the UPS delivery people for 10 copies of a 2009 book for the sake of a joke?
Well, People magazine finally got to the bottom of it by going straight to the “source,” and by that I mean, “a source,” and by “a source,” I mean, probably a publicist of some sort, who hand-waved it all away with a simple explanation:
“Demi and Emma are close, and all three get on great as a big blended family. There are no issues at all. Emma needed to stay in L.A. with the young kids.”
Oh, OK! Now I understand! Emma needed to stay in Los Angeles with the small kids, and Demi and Emma are close, therefore, Bruce Willis gets to go to the “fun house” instead of helping Emma conquer second-grade math, which has cost many a parent their sanity this last month. Makes total sense!
Well, good! I’m glad that is all squared away!