Friends, it looks like things are picking up between Kate Beckinsale and Pete Davidson, and it has a few among you scratching your heads. Not to worry, I’m here to explain it for you and let you know the real story of their unlikely duo—but friends, I’m going to need you to trust me on this journey because it’s a doozey.
On Friday evening, Kate Beckinsale attended Pete’s comedy show in LA, and not only did they leave together, they arrived at Pete’s hotel together, too! (Which means that his car does not contain a portal to another time, place, or dimension. Good to know.)
It’s been rumored the two have been dating since the Golden Globes, but what’s really going on is so much more than that. Friends, what I’m about to tell you is of the utmost sensitive nature, so I hope you will utilize discretion with what you’re about to learn.
We’ve all heard about an actor’s process to get prepared for their roles—in order to become the character they are meant to play they inhabit their lives and take on their characteristics. So what if, just what if, Kate, in order to play Selene, the vampire lady with a heart of gold in Underworld, became an actual vampire?!
Hear me out on this one, the only thing Hollywood hates more than racial diversity in a cast and non-sexual abusers as directors, is women over 40 in movies. Everyone knows once you hist 40 in Hollywood, you either have to play a harried mom, or a sassy diner waitress who helps the 20-something male protagonist (who has a PHD, obviously) and is tasked with saving the world—but she has to die in order to help said male protagonist because every victory requires a sacrifice, Norma. That’s not lazy narrative, that’s just the rules, ok?
I digress. To the original point, have you seen a picture of Kate Beckinsale lately? It’s almost as if she’s stopped aging. So is it really that hard to believe that she may have crossed over to the “other” world (bet you thought I was going to say “under” didn’t you?) in order to keep working in Hollywood, and also one day stand on the graves of the Hollywood executives who made her go to such drastic measures?
So how does Pete Davidson factor into this? Ha, if you’re asking, you’re clearly under 30, because to anyone over that age the answer is glaringly obvious.
Your stamina, and ability to stay up late drastically decreases once you hit the dreaded 3-0. I mean, I feel asleep on my couch at 6 & 10 pm last night before I finally went to bed at 11 and slept for 8 hours. Simply put, the older you get, the less you can stay up. You know who has no problem staying up late? 25 year old dudes like Pete Davidson. I mean, his job doesn’t even start until almost midnight.
Look, all I’m saying is if you’re a relatively new vampire, you’re not used to the monotony of your own company yet—so you’re going to seek out companionship, and unfortunately because you’re now a creature of the night, your options are limited. So why not Pete Davidson? She can at least tell him what the ’90s were like—so many Smash Mouth songs to cover, all the time in the world to get to them. Doesn’t sound so bad, does it?
The lingering question is then, what does Pete get out of it?
I mean, have you seen Kate lately? (You should be able to, cameras no longer rely on mirrors to take pictures…) It’s pretty obvious Pete is with Kate because she’s probably good company, and I heard she was a top secret, crazy good banana bread recipe.
Who doesn’t like banana bread?!
Anyway, play us out, lesser of the Smash Mouth oeuvre!
Header Image Source: Kate Beckinsale Instagram