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From the NYTimes: The Most Vivid Description of Hell Ever Written

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | February 20, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrity | February 20, 2018 |


From the NYTimes, presented without comment:

Well, what if on your way to your burdensome job, you could listen to Mr. Buffett and the musicians he endorses? You could be stuck in traffic and listening to his SiriusXM Radio Margaritaville station. After work, you can bring Caribbean flavor to your kitchen with Margaritaville® Jammin’ Jerk Shrimp or Calypso Coconut Shrimp, both skillet-ready in minutes. Relax afterward by mixing up a batch of Margaritaville® Margarita Mix, in lime or mango flavors, because 9 a.m. will come soon enough.

Finally, it’s Friday! No more working for the man! So crack open a LandShark® Lager, manufactured by Anheuser-Busch under the name of Margaritaville Brewing Company.

Calendar pages fly off the wall, and at long last it’s time for vacation. There are six different Norwegian Cruise Line ships floating around that host the restaurants Margaritaville at Sea, 5 o’Clock Somewhere Bar and LandShark® Bar & Grill. Not seafaring? There are 11 Margaritaville® hotels, some of which have casinos. (The one I stayed at in Pensacola Beach did not, but it did have a clock that is stuck at 5.) When you check in, you are given a lanyard to carry around your room card for when you get too drunk to find it — there it is, right around your neck.

You blow out birthday candles, one more every year, and wonder what it’s all for. One day your cardiologist says to maybe ease up on all those cheeseburgers, and you’re just about done working for the man. Well, if you’re “55 and better,” you can move into Latitude Margaritaville®, an adult-living community in partnership with Minto which will be opening in Daytona Beach next year. Life could be like a never-ending stay in Margaritaville, with yoga classes and “FINtastic” dining. (Dialysis machines sold separately.)

Mr. Buffett has given his fans a path to a simulacrum of the island life. In the course of it, he’s gotten very rich. How rich? According to Forbes, in 2016 Mr. Buffett, who has only had one Top 10 song (“Margaritaville” reached No. #8), was worth a reported $550 million. (Bruce Springsteen is worth a mere $460 million, according to that same list.)

Jimmy Buffet is worth $550 million. He has one hit song. His entire career was built upon the worst song ever written. It doesn’t even have a music video.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.