Normally, celebrity AMAs are a chance for celebs to promote projects and often charities they’re involved with. There are also usually some fun stories and other tidbits that come out of the discussion. That is what USUALLY happens. Apparently no one told Steven Seagal this— and presumably no one told him what Reddit or possibly even the internet was, because I’m not sure he even realized he was talking to humans. Over the course of his AMA, he answered maybe two dozen questions, in barely as many words, before suddenly running out of time.
Here are some of the most nothing answers he gave.
—Would he potentially be interested in doing Expendables 4?
I will not be doing Expendables 4.
—Does he have pets? What are their names?
I have horses and I have dogs.
—What motivates him?
I am a champion and I want to remain a champion.
What’s the best way for someone to get started in Aikido?
Go to an Aikido dojo and train with a teacher.
—Is it possible to kill someone with a credit card? (Keep in mind these were the few questions he CHOSE to answer.)
One million percent possible if the credit card has been modified. It’s a very easy thing to do.
—Again, this was what he deemed worthy of answering: Would he rather fight 100 mice-sized Steven Seagals or one Seagal-sized mouse?
One body rather than 100.
—One of the most confusing answers was to a question about a line from the movie Good Man, in which his character says “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, cause now I will snatch every motherfucker punani.” What does that mean?
I am a cop and have been for a very long time. It’s a street term that means to kill someone.
The comments on this point are just a couple thousand people informing Seagal that he’s an idiot and “punani” means vagina and nothing else ever, in any part of the world.
—But the best of all has to be this totally insane, predictably brief insight into Seagal’s view of himself. One user asked what his background in music was, specifically, “When, where and how did you start playing the guitar? Also what musician was the most fun to play/collaborate with?” Here’s how Seagal answered:
I started playing the guitar in Detroit in the ’50s and I was in an all-black band.
I’m sorry, what?
If Steven Seagal was in an “all-black band,” does Steven Seagal think he’s black? Also, he was born in 1952. In Lansing, 90 miles from Detroit (according to Wikipedia). And his family moved to California when he was 5. So was a four-year-old African American Steven Seagal making a 90-mile commute to play guitar in his band? That’s the story we’re getting here, right?
Oh well, just another reminder that Steven Seagal, after a lifetime of manipulation, rape, abuse, and absolute nonsense, is not worth paying attention to. Carry on.