Pharrell and Louis Vuitton Create a $1 Million Dollar Handbag, Helpfully Signaling Which Rich People to Eat

By Alberto Cox Délano | Celebrity | November 7, 2023 |

By Alberto Cox Délano | Celebrity | November 7, 2023 |

Rich people, I tell you, they’re getting bolder in an Icarus way.

Rich people have been on a roll since at least the 2000s, but more so since they emerged unscathed from the 2008 crises. Which has made them careless, too confident, and downright trollish in the way they display their wealth.

Earlier this year, Pharrell Williams was appointed the head menswear designer for Louis Vuitton after the tragic passing of creative director Virgil Abloh. Now, why would anyone want to replace such a talented creator with one of the men who inflicted “Blurred Lines” on us (and did so while being sober), that’s beyond me. I guess every clothing manufacturer wants their own Kanye moment. By the summer season, Pharrell delivered a collection straight out of the early 2000s. That’s not a compliment. And in true W. Bush-era spirit, he released an exclusive product for LV’s VIPs: A handbag worth 1,000,000 dollars named the “Speedy Millionaire,” made in crocodile leather and adorned with diamond pendants. The product is made to order and is available in five different colors.

The existence of this bag was revealed to us by LA Clipper’s Center PJ Tucker, who posted a screenshot of the product on Instagram.

This is what I mean by rich people operating on troll logic. Only people who are much too confident that they will not end up under a guillotine could come up with something like this. I mean, can you believe it? One million dollars?

For a Louis Vuitton bag?

The only thing of value about Louis Vuitton is that it manages to keep its value while being the go-to brand for the tasteless new rich . In contrast, the market is deluged by knockoffs made by the same people who manufacture the originals.

The irony is that Pharrel’s entire handbag line is inspired… by the counterfeit products of Canal Street, NYC.

The existence of this thing poses an important ethical question: Do the people who buy and flaunt this deserve rights? I’ve been thinking about this for a long time (two hours), much longer than Pharrell spent designing this collection. My conclusion is, controversially, yes. See, three kinds of people would be seen carrying this handbag:

1 - People who bought a knockoff for $100 bucks. It’s likely a poseur or somebody trying to pull off a con. They’re not the kind of people you’d wanna mingle with, but still deserving of rights.

2 - People who bought the high-end knockoff for $1,000, virtually identical to the original and made by the same warehouse. This shows that this person is basic AF but smart with money.

3 - People who actually bought the original, who are probably not very smart and who will be easy marks for a con. We need those people; they are crucial to eroding intergenerational wealth.

With all that being said, what is worse? These tacky and offensive displays of wealth? Or the artificially subdued and ugly “stealth wealth” of the C-Suites?

To which I say: Why do we need to choose?

(It’s the stealth wealth; the stealth wealth fashion is much worse. At least the new rich are making it easier and are more colorful)