Peak GOOP Reached: Gwyneth Paltrow Only Lives With Husband Brad Falchuk Part-Time
Oh Gwyneth Paltrow. You beautiful, mystifying, completely out of touch rich white lady, you. You just can’t help yourself, can you?!
I’m not one of those people who takes a particular delight in bashing Gwyneth. On some level, I think it’s kind of hilarious that she’s built a lifestyle brand out of bilking other clueless rich white ladies out of their not-so-hard earned money. Could she be using her platform, wealth, and fame to promote good causes? Absolutely. However, she’s not actively harming anyone swilling her over-priced crap, so why not live and let live here? If people are dumb enough to believe her that it’s a good idea to shove stuff up your lady garden, then so be it. (I guess I should have incorporated “dig” somehow into that simile, but honestly, that seems like too much work.)
My favorite Gwyneth is clueless Gwyneth, when she posits some lifestyle choice she’s made as a simple hack that everyone should do, as if the only thing holding us plebs back is that we never thought of the thing before. Today, she was full-on, and I love her for it. See, People.com (of course) relayed Gwyneth’s lifestyle choice to only live with her husband Brad Falchuk four days out of the week. The other three, he’s at his own house.
“Oh, all my married friends say that the way we live sounds ideal and we shouldn’t change a thing,” Paltrow, 46, said in a new interview with The Sunday Times.
And it seems the unorthodox living arrangement has the stamp of approval from Paltrow’s intimacy coach, who told her that it gives their marriage “polarity.”
So much to unpack here. Intimacy coach! Seal of approval from friends! “Polarity” in the marriage, whatever that means!
So, look. Let’s be honest here, love is great, but you know what else is great? Having your own space! Knowing that your leftovers will be in the exact same spot in the fridge when you want to eat them the next day. Having your bathroom to use at your leisure, and not worrying about someone else being in there, stinking (and steaming) up the joint.
Call me cynical, but to me at least half the reason to move in together as a couple is to save money on your rent and utilities. I’m sure some of you out there really love and relish living in close quarters with your significant other, and good for you … but how many fights do couples have revolve around petty, dumb s*it that could be solved if you weren’t on top of each other at all times in a shared home?
Do you think Gwyneth cares if Brad leaves dirty dishes in the sink? It doesn’t matter, because more than half of the time, he’s doing that at his own home where she doesn’t have to look at it (and also, obviously there’s help that does the dishes for them.) Maybe Brad hates scented candles, and guess what? I’m sure Gwyneth is fine not lighting them three days out of the week, because the other four, she gets to have her home, her way. Or also, Brad has to suck it up for three days, either way, it’s totally bearable.
It’s the dream, and one I’m sure if given the option of doing, most people wouldn’t turn down if it was financially possible.
Oh, yeah, that little pesky thing. Financially possible.
Running a household is expensive. Running two households is super expensive.
Let’s not forget that Gwyneth is so rich that she didn’t realize she appeared in a Spiderman movie because she’s at the level of rich where she can spend without having to account for her income.
I’m not here to bash Gwyneth because I find this outlook on life funny. She’s “how much could a banana cost, $10?!” level of rich, so of course, she’s cluelessly out of touch with the understanding of why other marriages don’t include two separate mansions in them.
I would do it if I could. Only there’s no way I could, so I guess I’ll just have to look (and laugh) at how the one percenters live. Then thank the lucky stars I have a rent-controlled apartment that I would not give up for anything, and then wonder how I’d incorporate another human being into my space because the lure of saving half my rent and utilities a month is more appealing than having my own space to myself. Oh well, I guess I could solve for “polarity” in another way in the hypothetical relationship.
Header Image Source: Getty
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