Paying Tribute to Each of the Previously Eliminated Players in George Clooney's Romantic Life

As you must know if you checked your phones or opened up your Internet browsers today, George Clooney married human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin today in a private ceremony in Venice. Congratulations George Clooney, you’ve officially given into the institution (again). How could you, bro? Do you have any idea how many married dudes lived vicariously through your life? You’ve let them all down.

Alas, the tribe has spoken, and Amal Alamuddin will get to spend the rest your life with Clooney, or at least the next two to four years (which is how long Clooney’s long-term relationships average). And as we look ahead to that future, let’s also be reminded of the past. Let’s take one last look at the last 30 years of fallen heroes.

Kelly Preston (1987-89)

Talia Balsam (1989-1993)

Ginger Lynn Allen (circa 1995)

Céline Balitran (1996-1999)

Lisa Snowdon (On and Off 2000-2005)

Renee Zellweger (2001)

Krista Allen (2002-2006)

Sarah Larson (2007-2008)

Elisabetta Canalis (2009-2011)

Stacy Keibler (2011-2013)