Paging Jennifer Aniston. Gerard Butler Is Single.
I will admit I knew this in my heart before I knew it in my head, but I sensed a disturbance in the force the other day, and while I thought it was the discount clams I ate (at the time) I now know it was my heart telling me that Gerard Butler was finally single. Again.
According to Radar, he and his on-again-off-again-but-this-time-off-for-good girlfriend Morgan Brown are dunzo after a horrible fight. What the fight was about, I (and Radar) do not know, but if it was about buying discount clams, (he, pro; she, anti) I know it is a fight Gerard and I would never have, because we both love to take risks with discount mollusks…and our hearts.
(That’s not a pastry, that’s a fried discount clam)
So what does this all mean? Can the star of Dracula 2000 ever find an everlasting love?!
I mean, sure, he probably has better odds than the rest of us. Especially me, because I’ve been kicked off at least one dating app for soliciting drug mules (long story.) In fact, I have it on good authority that his next girlfriend will be someone we all know around these parts.
No, it’s not me. He lives on the Westside, and I’m not willing to sit through that traffic, even for the star of PS I Love You, which is a movie I unabashedly love to clean my house to. No, I’m like ninety percent sure that at some point in the near future there is going to be a tabloid story about how he and Jennifer Aniston are secretly dating, because it makes perfect sense, and not just because she lives on the Westside, too.
Would you just look at that chemistry?!
They starred together in that semi-ok movie, The Bounty Hunter; the tabloids insist that Jennifer cannot stay single for long; and finally, they will love the narrative of Jen taming Gerard’s bad boy ways. Just think of the headlines:”Hot Scot Steals Jen’s Heart and Not Her Credit” “Shellfish Allergy Can’t Keep These Two Love Shrimp Apart” “We’re Making This Up As We Go Along, But It’s Time To Run a Story About Aniston Being Pregnant Again!”
A light Google search already tells me these rumors have been floated in the past, so obviously in the era of remakes and reboots, it’s time for the tabloids to rekindle the Aniston-Butler rumors again. I mean, why not? It’s a day ending in “Y” and they’re both very attractive people.
This time, however, I hope they add a new spin to the dating twist, like imply that that mutual love for Simon and Garfunkel brought them together, and as a result, they’re forming a cover band. Or that Jen thinks she can do a better job than Hillary Swank, and is financing a shot for shot remake of PS I Love You, with her in the title role and all of the cast back together again (it would be yet another mini Friends reunion, after-all!) I mean, why not?!
Anyway, the real crux of the issue is that clams are on sale again, so I gotta go. Bye.
Header Image Source: Columbia Pictures
- With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility: Voting for the Pajiba 10 Begins Now
- Spoilers: Digging into the Runes Throughout ‘Midsommar,’ What the Hell They All Mean, and the Easter Eggs Ari Aster Hid Throughout
- By Erasing Oasis for a Cheap Joke, ‘Yesterday’ Also Does One of Its Only Female Characters a Disservice
- Review: Tom Holland Is Perfect In 'Spider-Man: Far From Home' Even as the Story Struggles
- On the Spectacular 'Evvie Drake Starts Over' and the Time NPR's Linda Holmes Twitter Shamed Me