Goddammit! This is no way to start a Thursday — normally one of my favorite days, because it’s practically Friday (can you smell it?). Wake up, run through a few headlines, and WHAT? WHO? WAIT, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I need more coffee (again).
Brace yourself. Tom Hiddleston and Elizabeth Olsen, who’ve just completed shooting I Saw the Light (in which the Hiddles does his best Hank Williams impression, and Olsen plays his wife [goddammit]), are “hooking up.”
Hooking up! You know what that means, don’t you? Nudity, body parts intertwined, ALL THAT SEXYTIME STUFF. Oh, and Us Weekly’s *source* (it’s probably that fucking Renner), says the relationship is totally casual, but they “text when they’re apart,” and you know what that means, don’t you? They’re going to fucking get married. Because whenever the gossip says a couple is “serious,” that couple breaks up, but if it’s “casual,” they’re totes getting married. So, we might as well start the crying now. THESE HIPS WILL NEVER BE OURS.
In other not-terribly-surprising and much more palatable news, a compilation of social media data gathered over the weekend revealed America’s (purported) favorite Avenger is…dun dun dun…no big shocker here:
In second place, Iron Man, and oh, look who’s *above* Hawkeye. Could it be a certain female superhero he’s been talking smack about? Put that in your pipe and smoke it, buddy.
And now, back to crying in our coffee. At least we can do it over good music.