“Hmm… yes… words about my father John McCain to easily distract me. Good, liking that…”
Let’s talk about how I plan each day’s Meghan McCain post because I’ve completely given up on pretending this isn’t a daily obsession that will destroy everything I love. Walk with me.
Generally, I stumble across Meghan’s latest Veruca Salt w/ Extra Mayo meltdown right upfront. It’s almost impossible to miss because, well, you’re familiar with John McCain’s ancestor. (Apparently they’re related? I dunno.) But on rare occasions like today, Meghan will do something that makes me think wildly ridiculous thoughts like, “Maybe she truly is the one to lead us out of darkness, or at the very least divorce her husband and open her DMs so that one might slideth into them.”
PELOSI SAYS “TRUMP WANTS US TO IMPEACH HIM”: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said on @JimmyKimmelLive that Pres. Trump actually wants to be impeached because he believes the Republican-controlled Senate would bail him out — the co-hosts discuss if they agree. https://t.co/2C0XhvyKnP pic.twitter.com/deHCsnePp6— The View (@TheView) May 31, 2019
Of course, I’m sure Meghan’s very vocal enthusiasm for impeaching Trump is 100% about the future of our country, and not at all because of some stupid boat. (Narrator voice: It was.) But she has been sidling up to Joe Biden a lot lately, and if the boat incident is what it takes for the McCains to reverse their stance on backing a Democrat in the presidential race, I’ll take it. Of course, this hinges on Biden cinching the nomination, which is not exactly something I want to happen, but when it comes to the general election, I will Vote That D — title of my sex tape — even if our next president should clearly be this lady:
I pledge to nominate an Office of Legal Counsel head who will reverse the Watergate-era rule that a president cannot be indicted for criminal behavior. The OLC’s purpose is to govern the conduct of the executive branch, not act as the president’s get-out-of-jail-free card.— Elizabeth Warren (@ewarren) May 31, 2019
But my personal preference for the nominee aside (and how everyone calling her the “original Rachel Dolezal” can f*ck right the hell off) there is an interesting thought experiment in what would happen if a prominent Republican family like the McCains backed Joe Biden. Everyone seems to forget that Trump barely won the electoral college by the tiniest of margins. He slid into the Oval Office by the skin of his mushroom dong. Could an unholy McCain/Biden alliance tip that scale just enough to end this f*cking nightmare? Maybe! On the one hand, as much as I hate how far this word has been stretched, even I’ll admit that’s a whole lot of centrism. On the other hand, Ruth Bader Ginsburg could literally die at any second, and if Trump gets to appoint another right-wing Supreme Court justice, welcome to a Theocratic Thunderdome that will take goddamn generations to dismantle if we don’t get cooked alive and/or buried underwater first.
So that was my first few moments with Meghan McCain today, where I foolishly envisioned her flying in on a pegasus and stabbing Trump in the face for the honor of Greyskull. (That got oddly specific.) At that point, I was all set to stick with everything you saw above — and then Meghan flipped the switch back to JOHN McCAIN’S DAUGHTER™ by trying to make David Letterman agree that Seth Meyers was mean to her by using… *checks notes*… Jay Leno as an example of how to do comedy. Yup, yup yup yup.
If you don’t have time to watch the clip, Letterman handled the situation beautifully. Not only did he say that unlike Leno, he has no problem having a “tussle” with guests, he emphasized that we live in a different world post-Trump where things shouldn’t just slide. He then quickly pivoted to how much he loved having John McCain as a guest, which naturally, appeased Meghan even though the clear subtext of his words were: “He didn’t make me bleed from the goddamn ears playing the poor, conservative martyr card every time you put a mic in his face. Try it sometime.”
Header Image Source: The View/YouTube